After reviewing and refining all posts
I have discovered zeal
( which is sometimes defined as "of God" )
a.k.a. enthusiasm
So overjoyed at being on the typepad
I wrote my little brains out with
unbridled emotion
all along
Nothing more
nothing less
Strong language for
a strong subject
The point
is not what happened or when
or with whom
or who's at fault
or who is not
but
that it did occur
as opposed to
NOT
and nothing happens by
mistake
Our lives are not for naught
Some years ago
a wiser woman said
" Don't you think there is
a reason you have your life experience
and writing skills? "
when I was not yet thirty
So now I must agree
with zeal
and pouring forth a lifetime
using colorful, descriptive language
and suggestion of Universal experience
or can you not relate?
Who among you has not
felt the sting of the slap?
Use your imagination, if not
as I furnish you the insight
in to a Domestic Violet night . . .
My husband decided out of no where
to grace my sons and me
with his drunken presence
and he had never done that
His attempts to rally loyalty from his 'step-sons'
suddenly included demeaning their mother
in their presence
and with a wink and a look and
a laugh
he wanted them to laugh too
but they did not
His display so shocking was just
a new way he found to hurt me
it was his hobby
I could not bear another night
in his presence
This was a few years into abuse
from him
I was there to witness yet another sad
example of his "ick"
He finally made me sick
I took my sons to a safer place
and did not return home until the next morning
I did not want to see his face
and I had never done that
never NOT come home
which means up to then I had
"tolerated" abuse from of all kinds
This time he crossed a line
there are no second chances for a man
to use my children to harm me
As I lay in my nightie in the bed
late that Monday morning
he came in from a weekend "awake"
with the help of alcohol and miscellaneous
items with stimulating effects
Oh boy!!!!!
Before I could say a word
he hit me in the face
I jumped up on the bed
backing away
from this
and then he caught me by
my wrist
With one long pull - I flew the room
in a pile I dropped
A crippling motion made that day
a leg so torn I did not
walk again for half a year
and I had to disappear
He went to jail
finally
I sat on the sidewalk
amid the broken glass
after he wiped up the house with me
even after I protested
said " I'm injured, you fool. "
OH - yes, that was his point
This is not a man who lived by any GOLDEN RULE
He beat me with one leg gone
( a cruel four year old to me )
and I sat amid the wreckage
and finally found the guts
to call POLICE and Paramedics
while I was going nuts
He'd left me in the wreckage
and gone back to the bar
I'd gone to every length 'til then
he'd pushed me very far
I realized - EPIPHANY -
if he were just a stranger
he would be behind bars
for his endless bad behavior
If he were only "someone else"
dialing 911 wouldn't be so hard
So I called for help and they picked him up
and I moved out the next day
And where I went he never knew
my roommate would not say
and she was his bartender night after night
They jailed him and made him
attend
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE CLASSES
where he managed to get the person in charge
to fall in love with him
and so he skated
When class was through
he was not "NEW"
and it was a year later
Though sounding quite contrite
when I returned to "try again"
he abused me the second night
Silly Me !
And that was then and this is now
a different sort of day
The difference has been simply this
I will no longer play
I won't be there a second time
there will not be a first
I'm busy now not wasting time
with others at their worst
I only takes a small amount of "ick" and I'm
away . . .
I walked again eventually
the body heals itself
but I had help to heal "the Me"
and won't go back again
Instead I write and tell the world
Who cares, but one or two?
I use the power of my words for good
and not for no good reason
to say there is another way
" YOU are not caught "
" You are not stuck "
" If You are in 'the cycle of violence'
stop right there "
" There are many who care "
" There is help out there "
" Is anybody out there? "
I asked the Universe
and several people during
' the last time I will ever
need to be rescued
from a man ' ~~~
" You are not alone "
" NO ONE DESERVES TO BE HIT "
" and don't give me this victimizer/victim shit "
" We're ALL victims in this warring world "
" STOP buying into it "
" or continue living in denial
that evil really exists "
I'm not talking in the biblical sense
both God and Satan take too much heat
for shit that they don't do
They are the perfect scapegoats
I know - I have been one too !
The perfect place to lay the blame
and be the one that's shunned
" You made me a felon," my husband said,
" look what you did to me "
" Now I can't own a gun and and the record states
my conviction of a felony -
- look what you did to me ! "
He chose to give himself the mark
when he chose to hit me
The evil I'm referring to
lives within that statement
That somehow I threw out my wrist and said
" Oh please oh - please take it
Now get a grasp and pull real hard and
send me through the air
and please cripple me while you're there ! "
He once told "others' that I threw myself down the stairs
( see post: They came . . . )
The evil is the notion that he is not responsible for his
actions
Maybe God or the devil or his wife made him do it.
Classic Victimizer blaming Victim game
for lack of better naming
That's what they do !!!
How about you
innocent too ?
{ The day after his arrest we both had to appear in court, where I gimped on crutches, bruised and battered as a restraining order was put in place; my husband's daughter showed up to ask me, " Why are you doing this to my father ? " }
Domestic Violet
Semper Vi +*#$^@
Survivor . . .from the VORTEX