Domestic Violet

Grama . . .

 . . . "moob ober"  little girl Violet cried

"Grama I'n scared so moob

ober"!!!

and I crawled into her bed

up against the safety of her back and

warm blankets

while Grampa snored from the other twin bed

back when it was customary it seemed

after too many years of domestic bliss

for couples to sleep apart

to get some rest

and whether or not my mother was

somewhere

or somewhere in the house

I was comforted by my Grama at that time

and wanted to be wherever she went

accompanying  her in the kitchen

while she was making breakfast lunch dinner

and I was with her in the shower when she

cleaned off the sweat from her day

and put on a clean dress to greet my Grampa at the door with a kiss

as he came in from the job he hated but went to each day

anyway

I was there in the backyard to watch her

grab a chicken

and give it a swing and then

lop off its head

in the simplicity of the 50's and the

country life

where a windmill and barn

horses and cows

were out in the field

right behind the house

when the land was not so

adulterated yet

but

out the front door sometimes was my mad Dad

and my Mother crying

so it was best

to live in the company of Grandparents

who could provide a semblence of

normalcy or

something close

as domestic unrest whirled around us like a plague of locusts

the kind that wakes up little children from sleeping 

with terrors and screaming

and I still cannot imagine what might have happened

without my Grama's warm back

in the night

when I was small

but I know what came later when she was gone

made me want to crawl back into her bed

many times

moob ober . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

 

When we were . . .

 

. . . small

before we knew the eventual nature of any

mutual disdain

back when it was simply whether one had the other’s toy

or who got the square “girl” side of the sandwich

cut in half

or who got the round side

we called “boy”

when it was just we two

and the others had not arrived

yet

my little sister and I played a game

as we walked the floor of each room

as if we were on the ceiling

stepping over the imaginary wall at doorways

pretending the rooms were

upside down

and sometimes I forget

that many years have passed since we have talked

when I think of us

hopping over the invisible line

and I laugh

remembering when we were

friends . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

 

The dream . . .

 

happened . . .

every night

when I was seven

every night so I could not

did not want to

sleep

not when I would dream of tension

snowy static like the first television

when the station would not come in right

antenna moving ensued

but first

several minutes of

hissing crackling sparky frenetic energy

until the rabbit ears were positioned just right

so

in my sleep the scream of static

as if my terror frustration bewilderment were suddenly

shown to me each night

and then

a massive overstuffed chair

floating in midair

tried to push a needle into a

telephone pole

no luck but

I could feel the fierce power of the

attempt

then the scene changed

became

clouds where a man and woman waltzed

twirling ‘round and ‘round

mysteriously in the air

no feet on the ground

no floor anywhere

looking blissfully happy

resembling my father and mother who

danced so beautifully

and had so much

passion

sometimes

when they were not fighting

screaming

escalating insanity

scaring my sister and me

and I saw in his eyes

the madness in his mind

an innocent “blue baby”  my Grama told me

too young to understand what it meant

locked in the wildman’s body

not his fault the cord wrapped tight

oxygen deprived

but

the screen split as I slept

with the magic couple at the top of it

and below his suit and tie and her strapless full-skirted gown

spinning ‘round

a shack appeared with tattered curtains

behind broken glass

cats and whiskey bottles on the grassless ground

a trash can spilling over

with a black book and a ladie’s high heel pump at the top of the heap

but

the focal point for me was the child

perched on cracked stone steps

between decayed porch rails

a child who looked like

my sister

me

every member of my family

a face that changed with every episode of the dream initially

finally settling in to the little boy my father had been

MY DADDY as a boy with one shoe off and

one shoe on

his name was Jon

and a tear ran down his cheek

as a black cat left the scene . . .

I awakened terrified confused

screaming right out of sleep

unable to explain what frightened me

night after night after night

until thankfully the dream left me completely at 14 . . .

stepping from an elevator 24 years later

I saw him down the long corridor

leaning with a wide smile into the doorway of a really old man

who was living his last days

in the Veteran's hospital in Madison Wisconsin

he stood there beaming glowing

telling the old guy what a “ beautiful thing”

life is

I had not seen my father in ten long years

as he delivered good cheer

wearing nothing but a pair of track shorts of course

with the back of his head stapled on

after brain tumor surgery

salt and pepper long hair remained all around the trap door

framing his beautiful face

flicking his bare shoulders as he traveled the hall

moving to the next doorway

with nothing but positive to say

I stared scanning him up and down as he moved away

with finesse from a lifetime of athletic prowess

he would “beat it” no doubt he had said

of the malignancy in his head

and I traveled 16 hours to see for myself

hoping and praying all the way that he would

win this one like he had so many times

with basketball in hand

collecting trophies and ribbons

newspaper clippings

breaking records and rules and hearts

and faces in his rages

holes in the walls

spankings that lasted too long

handsome talented artist athlete scary man was like an angry orangutan

we never knew why or

when

but it would always happen again

tough man contest winner

could “charm the birds outa the trees”

other tough men told me

as my mother knew well when he left us and came back

over and over

and made our life hell

but she could not say no

so they made five babies before it was over

like both of them

beautiful crazy and strong

and he was up and running

one day after brain surgery

like nothing was wrong

as I surveyed his fabulous body 57 years young

then I lost my breath and almost fell down

that I knew as a child dreaming night after night

not knowing what I knew

but knowing

the moment would come

when I looked at his feet

one shoe was on and the other was

gone . . .

and so was he four months later

from a massive blastoma that had been there

all along . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

 

 

I saw the baby . . .

 

 . . . in my child’s eyes

the baby

all grown up  

resides there in the

soul’s  

windows 

and sometimes when the adult is in

fear

confusion

conflicted

and afflicted with

 . . . "no rescue in a stranger’s face“

(Mother and Child – D.V. ’73)

the baby  appears

briefly to

connect with me

the original comfort source

and no matter how old you get

or how big and self-sufficient you grow

every once in a while

we all cry

“I just want MY MOMMY" !!!!!

And yes, Domestic Violet

knows  . . .

Semper Mom Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

'tis the season . . .

 . . . oh yes and

an early unexpected welcomed gift came yesterday

from a long distance cousin  -

28 photos of my Grama and Grampa and various

relatives when they were all young and fresh

long ago

far away

and even my Mother was a baby once

and I cried and cried and laughed at their stockings and

suits

and cried for how much I miss them and for

how long

they've been gone

and I hope I get to see them again

when I pass on

but I'm sure I will as I feel them

still

all around me on the other side of

the veil

and I see them in my children's eyes

and their cheekbones in my brother and sister's faces -

a piece of the Grandparents in all the babies

and it was the best

of the 12 days of Christmas

so far . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

Give me 5 . . .

minutes

in the company of

someone I greatly

admire

before

either one of us

dies -

my recent petition to the Universe

and then Golda Meir

comes to mind

but is she still alive ?

Or perhaps Dale Chihuly

whose Art Glass greatness

gave us flowers

gracing

one petal at a time

a ceiling

at the Vegas Bellagio Hotel -

(I had the chance to see it

when a friend offered to take me there!!!)

and Celine Dion put on

a fabulous show

as well

while I marveled at and admired Las Vegas

excellence  -  ( Arete' !!! )          

Or how about Megan Mullaley

aka Karen Walker

a most amazing character

from Will and Grace

Ms. Beaverhausen

extraordinaire

and just 5

minutes

with Karen Walker

brings life

some fresh air

despite her

keg on tap at all times

cuz it doesn't matter

if you're

drunk -

when you're

right

you're right -

and when you're not

you're not -

and stone cold sober holds

no guarantees

not when I can be as wrong

as the day is long

without

a drink

and along with that

change

many other things became

different

so

now I

can pay closer

attention

to your

projection

and

maybe

               not do the

dumb thing

in response to

insurrection

recognizing

error

mine

more quickly

over

time

and more easily

free

me

with my admission - PARDON MOI !!!

and then go to work on

restoration

cuz when ya break it

ya gotta fix it

so

now today currently

there's no need to get

belligerent

and swear like a truck driver

like I did sometimes

when I was

drinking

and Karen Walker is

my favorite

alcoholic

fictionally speaking

but

Megan and Golda and

the artist Chihuly are

real

and so is

the blind Mathematics teacher

at a local Community College

and so are

the Foster Parents

down the street

and so is the

struggling

Single Mother =  Everything  you take for granted

                                in your comfortable  life

                      provided for by your significant other

                               who is subsidizing your

                                       existence

                                  is not - repeat

                                         NOT

                               available for her !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                     NONE of it . . . . . . . . . .

             . . . . . so she

        gets her GED               ANYWAY  (bar the door!)

to begin

freeing herself from

the SYSTEM

she's caught in

while the deadbeat Daddy

goes free

and she even goes to College

eventually

so just give me 5 minutes please

with any of

these

brave and

incredible

souls -

gimme 5

minutes with anyone who

trudges the road

unstoppable

to get where they need to be

be

for peace comes

to those who know love and labor

and

perservere

and just 5 minutes with

my Children

is a balm unto

my Spirit

for they are the folks

I admire

most

above any and

all in the world -

I admire creative

genius

at work

and the fortitude

required to

rise above the

"life is hard"  part                 poor me/you

and go to

where  "lemons"  get turned into

juice and

pies

and other good

stuff

and I can't say enough

about how they don't use me

as an EXCUSE for

anything

unlike some of us

and grew up to be - ANYWAY (despite anything and all ya'll)

decent

productive

lovely people -

three boys ( aka THE MEN when they were 8 and 10 and 11 )

and my girlie - eldest and only one

but

I may have had a hand

in that

through many years of raising them

single-handedly

although

my battle cry

in those days was

give me 5

minutes

alone . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Scribing and describing . . .

suddenly

stopping

at the sink

where there is

now

a damp kitchen towel

under the clipboard

illuminated by the

too-small

window

that looks at a fence

with a

pit bull

on the other side

barking

again and I talk to calm the dog

while

writing

at the sink 

where hands and

bubbles and

soothing warm water

creates

serenity

sometimes

but now

I'm just trying to

get some

light

while the

sun

goes

down

and I can't sit down

can't land

until pen meets pulp

again

       wherever

and such is the color of

inspiration

passion

creation

doing and being

some of what

some of us were created to do

and be

in the economy of

11x14 paper and with a great sleek wooden

pen

built by my grandson

who has interest in Earth's wondrous

geology

like me

and his scribing tendency similarly means he

one day may tell his story too

looking at a barking fence

with damp terry beneath the

unlined paper

and plenty of ink flowing

from a fine writing instrument

while the fading sun

sings the blues

and he won't care either

when or where

if visited by

the muse

and may he find his

bliss

in this or whatever he

endeavors

as life passes in a blink

but mostly may he find

serenity

in the

sink . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

Sons of the Universe . . .

 . . . boys will be

boys

and three came from me

to this life -

and they're all made of nails

and snips and snails and

puppy dog tails

and rugged trails and

drawers full of surprised

gerbils -

and other living things in their pockets -

shocks

along with rocks and

miscellaneous

in the never-ending laundry -

mountains of little boys socks -

boys -

made of t-shirts and blue jeans and

tennis shoes that never fit just right for long -

skivvies -

cowlicks and

snotty noses from all that hard breathing

from all that

running around -

and three were born

to me

from me

through me -

known in some circles as

" the MEN "

when they were

nine 11 and 12 years old

and were so unlike their girly girl older sister -

from the gate -

born that way I say -

boys -

made of Oak and Jasper

Obsidian

Granite and Gypsum

Wind

Sun

Rain

and one son was twenty-six years old

just the other day -

born 26 hours from the first

contraction

and no one

got to sleep in

from that moment on -

busy ever after -

burly in the

womb -

a marathon runner 

before he was born

but no surprise he would become

a finesse in-line skater

doing loop-da-loops

in mid-air   ( eeeeek ! ) -

with cliff-diving later on   ( OMG ! ) -

and like his brothers and most boys he is into

motion

action

activity

unlike some girly girls

who can sit quietly and play with

their dollies

boys are coming from a different frequency

altogether and

some boys grow to be

good Men

like my son has

I'm proud to say

but

all that it took and

whatever it took

Domestic Violet would not have it

any other way  . . .

Happy Birthday Son !

Love -

Ya Mutha

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

 

Mother and child . . .

. . . and who would separate

the two -

bound forever despite all

strife ?

A gift not only of man and woman

but of giver and receiver of

life -

a bond not only of

breast and womb

but of laughter and love sweet -

made strong by pain and

doom -

who would break

the hearts entwined

and crush what God has meant to be ?

We are not whole as

one and one -

existing

so softened by

familiarity -

no other can calm the fears or love so deep -

we find no rescue in a stranger's

face . . .

Domestic Violet

4/2/73

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

Family doesn't . . .

ditch family -

someone said from the circle

just the other day -

and I wondered if

their last name was Cleaver

or Kardashian or

Trump

or somethin'

cuz I could not

relate -

relative to those I'm

related to that is -

where love is not thicker than

hate -

a sad bad state of

affairs

where nobody cares -

projecting onto others

what they are guilty of -

like a hot potatoe -

thinking everyone thinks like they do -

afflicted with a similar lack of

trust -

with glares from similarly shaped

eyes nose toes

and silent dares throughout

wasted days

becomes chaos in the

night

when false pride

rules the fight

while "ditch the bitch"

echos

down the years -

taking turns as the odd man out

with each one vying for position

and nothing better to do

than continue the ruse

with something/nothing to prove

making sure they don't lose at

musical chairs !

   " Family doesn't what  " ????? -  I wondered

aloud

rhetorically

incredulously

and said to someone  " I need help with that one please -

for I don't know what you mean !

Ideally our families are 'there for us'

thru thick and thin

but that has not been my experience and

perhaps it only happens in the movies " !!!???

And someone else replied - " Your real family is not the bond of blood

and similar features

but rather the family I'm speaking of

is the one you build around you -

your community of supportive friends and neighbors -

the ones who don't ditch you

because you said something they didn't like -

the folks who try to work things out instead of

always trying to fight " !!!

I paused

and then revealed how I've seen

an incredible level of

mean

from those I love most and

layed down my life for -

but that is where the similarity ends -

not all cut from the same bolt apparently

when I've received more authentic love

from my children and my friends

and sometimes strangers with angel wings !

There is no end to the spiteful hateful family stuff -

no way to measure the invasive ignorance

and I've said for years that you need not fear

any enemies from outside your clan -

not when in some families your enemies are

built right in !!!

Too bad that BAD is where they are coming from -

no HEALTH in any way -

just a need to be sour and steal away

power -

devoid of their own

with bloated entitlement surrounding them -

I don't know how they live in their own skin

after what they do to their own

kin -

but of course we have choices

and change in perspectives

allowing for compassion for fools -

and change is inevitable

but even more incredible

is the energy spent to

remain the same

in their game -

the one those of us who work hard to

live and take care of our biz -

don't have time to play !

" So family doesn't what " ????? -

I repeated again and

gave another idea to the crowd -

" Just pity the fools and watch them look worse

with every new tactic they find -

and see them as lost in the devil's workshop

with too much idle time -

( get a job comes to mind ! )

and pray that the authentic Power of the Universe

can find a way to heal up their twisted

minds -

and be glad you were tossed to the curb -

and be grateful  for the "ditching"

cuz it beats the endless ignorant display

and removes from your world

an ugliness needed by no one -

including all of their

sick bitching

and consider yourself the fortunate

one !

Let the circle of your family be unbroken

where you find them . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . from the VORTEX

 

 

 

 

 

The bottom line . . .

in the world of

bloody noses and

black eyes -

sex drugs and

rock n roll -

although

what was the

" environment "

a hundred years ago ?

Hmmmmmm?

What was the catalyst then ?

The world where

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE  thrives -

has ALWAYS been

and sadly may always be -

where everyone involved is

dented -

affected -

and it is

reflected -

where the bottom for some

becomes recovery for the

fortunate ones -

those lucky enough to

escape with their lives -

and those determined to

apply

spiritual principles to their lives

and with it comes the families -

members who did not

get well

just because their loved one

survived !

But most who enter into rooms of

recovery - whether it be

church or therapy or

alcoholics anonymous -

and it may have begun with

court orders or

shelters for battered women -

whatever the case I can guarantee

when the alcohol stops flowing

and the party is over

and you finally like yourself enough to

stop

being battered -

and/or stay sober -

your loved ones may possibly remain

afflicted -

so prepare yourself for this -

because

no one  gets recovery by

osmosis -

and it's heartbreaking to see

when the family believes -

they are fine  and

ain't it grand the wind stopped blowin' -

and it was the

drinker

who was the problem -

oh yeah Unh huh -

or the victim of abuse in a constant state

of chaos

that is habitually

pointed to

as being perpetually the scapegoated

"sick one" -

when in fact the family is sometimes

sicker

and as long as they can

point a finger

they will never get better -

so underneath the

" way to go's and atta boys " and

" It sure is good to see you sober! " or

" I sure am glad your trouble's over! " or

" It's about time you got rid of him! " and

" We're so glad you didn't die! "  -

there's a bunch of folks in serious

denial

of what IT did

to them . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor  . . . from the VORTEX

My Grandmother said it often . . .

that " ladies do NOT

walk down the street

smoking

cigarettes " -

and I believed her

along with everything else that she said

or did -

everything she taught me

with a European flair -

I watched her polish the silver

with care -

for all fifteen Grandchildren -

and I am the first one -

born to her youngest of three Sons 

and my Mother who was both amazed and intimidated by her

but

she loved her ( how could ya not ? ) -

as did most in her company

who were mesmerized by her -

Ceil and Mrs. So and So and

Mr. Anderson across the street -

and my strong and silent Professor Grandfather -

remotely present when he wasn't teaching

elsewhere -

and she lived in the world of etiquette

respect and

dignity -

and they just don't make Women like my Grandmother

anymore -

you could  " eat from her floors " - and I adored her

and gentlemen opened doors

for the ladies

in those days

when the world was a better place -

and she took care -

gave a care for all around her -

making sure the Great Aunties and Great-Grandmother

got to church

along with

me -

and I see her when I look in the mirror -

and she's in your eyes

if you are my Cousin or Sibling

or Niece or Nephew or my

Child or Grandchild -

and those who loved her carry her ways

in our hearts and minds

and cherish the time

long ago now -

when we all gathered

around the long dining table -

perfectly set -

in celebration of Christmas and Thanksgiving

and it was special

because of her presence -

and she loved me

I am certain -

and it has carried me

when nothing

remained -

and it would have hurt her heart -

had she lived long enough to watch me

stumble and fall -

struggling -

so although she left early -

when I was young and pregnant with my first baby -

I have mourned over 35 years -

but she would be proud that I 

changed my ways -

returning to myself and all that is

really me -

and that

I have never found it easy

to smoke a cigarette while walking down the street -

but recently was glad she wasn't here to know

how I became

survivor -

from the vortex . . .

Domestic Violet ~

 

 

 

 

 

My Grandmother made it better . . .

naturally -

trying -

like no one I've ever

seen -

each day -

for everyone -

and she taught me how to

" make a silk purse

out of a sow's ear "

as she put it -

every time

I was in her company

she was

comfort to me

and I adored her -

" a Saint " -

my Father said and

she was not his Mother

but

he loved her ( how could ya not ? ) -

as did all who were fortunate enough

to make her acquaintance -

like 'Rie and Gladys and my Sisters and Brother

and me -

And though she was cherished -

she perished -

awakening me when she left -

dreaming of death and then

the phone rang - late in my dark sleep

I knew already -

as I know when anyone close to me

goes -

Her grip from the middle

let go -

the whole family unraveled -

and she has a hold of the end

of the yarn

as the ball rolls on

out of sight -

I grieve over 30 years

but I see her

each time I look

in the mirror -

and for the first time I am

glad she wasn't here -

did not see what became of

my life -

not when it would have broken her heart

even more than it was

to know how difficult it has been

for me to live and love and be loved

when love is what she did best -

all of us -

strong and silent Grandfather -

remotely always home -

and two children she couldn't do enough for -

she loved them dearly and they

knew it -

and all their children too -

the first of ten was me

and she's in your eyes

if you're my Cousin or Sibling or

Niece or Nephew or my

Child or Grandchild -

and she's in our hearts

as well -

and helped shape the best parts

of our minds -

and it makes my eyes wet

to think of her tiny nose

with a tiny drop of

love-labored sweat

dangling from the tip

as she slaved

over a hot stove

to feed her family

and really went all out for

Christmas and Thanksgiving -

Happy Holidays

because of her -

and the world was a

better place

then -

but I know for sure

she loved me pure

and it has carried me

when nothing

remained -

and the try -

and the look in her eye

as her face crinkled to

smile -

and the ginseng and rose hips -

and frequent trips

with

fishin' poles and beer -

and no fear

when she was near -

" moob ober Grama ! "  said little violet me -

and up next to her back was my favorite place to sleep

when I was three -

and half a century

later -

I can still feel her -

and how proud she would be

that I never stopped

trying

to make better -

sow's ears everywhere -

walking over hot coals

in the desert -

alone -

but always trying to

make my way

home -

no matter how far tornadoes

spun me -

surviving -

from the vortex . . .

and to this day

a hug and hot plate of food

is the greatest gift

anyone can give

me !

Domestic Violet ~

 

 

 

 

He gave her his . . .

. . . right hand

automatically

when it was

time -

because he wears the ring there

already

while he works

sculpting stone

from the Earth

with familial

expertise ~

The ring has been

on his right hand

awhile now -

since their engagement -

and it proves that

a piece of paper

does not a relationship

make -

but yesterday they

made a vow

together

" in good times and bad " -

as we all

stared from

our chairs -

lakeside LOVE

reflected in the water -

10,000 Mountain feet

high -

in AWE

and fresh amazement -

that we got to

' watch '

all along - for some years

the greatness of LOVE

transition and

come to its

fruition ~

" You suck " -

she said under her breath

reaching for

his left hand quickly and

we all heard it -

laughing into the cool

afternoon air -

some of the first of

much laughter throughout

the beautiful day -

it's that LOVE thing -

I swear !

He laughed too

and

they exchanged

rings

hearts

promises

with obvious LOVE -

the kind that lets you

know

there is a GOD

above and all around -

we all know

it

when we see it -

feel it -

when we're near it

we  " get some on us "

and take it

with us

when we go

away -

and yesterday

an unlikely crowd

united

joined

gathered

to witness

a beautiful young

Woman

veiled and jeweled -

strapless and curled -

carrying flowers the color of

royalty

and the Sun -

as becoming a

Princess -

a smart

kind and

wise one -

and

a handsome young

Man

in a top hat and bow tie -

bejeweled cane with sunny regal vest

and boutonniere -

Princely elegant tails and

black and white patent at his

feet -

a deeply thinking -

kind and

wise young Man -

I know -

I gave life to him -

first Son -

and I

along with his

Brothers and Sister -

some Family and all of my

Grandchildren -

friends of all kinds

from all walks of life -

his Father and his wife -

and my former Mother-in-law -

braved the September

Rocky Mountain winds

where snow is on the peaks

most of the year -

to gladly

be present

as the  " great together " couple

solemnized

solidified

sanctified

their devotion to

each other -

true LOVE burning in their eyes

like fire !

I am

Happy

to be Happy -

       Joy-Joy filled

instead of otherwise and

GOD !!!!!! -

they were GORGEOUS

yesterday

as I Hope and

Pray and have

Faith they will be

for the rest of their days -

" She puts up with my

dumb ass ! " -

he told me once

and that he

" LOVES her -

very very much ! " -

and her LOVE for him

has never

wavered -

for my Son -

a playful

introspective

Aquarian

who finally

popped the question

as we all wondered what took him

so long !

It's that deep

introspective thing -

I'm just sayin' y'all !

And when they get back from

honeymooning in Hawaii

they are " gonna try to

make a baby - right away ! " -

and I may become a

Grandmother for the

fourth time !

It seems like just

yesterday

that I married his Father

and a few years later

our first Son came along  !

Where in the world

has all the time

gone ?

Their wedding day was

a Beauty and

she is a keeper and a

cutie

and I am

proud of the Man

my Son has grown to be

and continues to

become

but

no matter

what

comes or goes around -

he'll always be

my first Son -

and she'll always be my

daughter-in-law -

first one ! . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Mom Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Grandmother of a . . .

granddaughter !!!!! -

that's me - Yeah !!!!!

And this day her parents drove 9 hours -

surprising me -

to bring her to

meet me - her Grama !

Sweet as sweet can be !!!

And Grandmother's are a favorite topic

of mine ~

They were

FOR me -

my Grandmother's were

and I knew many

among the

" Great " and " Grand "

fabulous Women in my

ancestry

who loved

me -

their " great " and

" grand "- daughter

and I knew it

for sure and

totally loved them

in return !

They are among the few

whom I can say with

certainty

loved me

unconditionally -

had my best interest at heart -

were in my

corner -

the wind at my back -

smiled when they saw me -

and loved me up plenty !

One Grama even gave me

keys to Grampa's car when he was

asleep !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I was 16 !        OH -

my God !!!!!!!

And One Grama prepared my 4 year old

heart

for SURVIVING the life ahead of me ~

FOR Me as opposed to

against me

as I said -

they are my greatest example - my sample

of

LOVE

and they are why I know

anything

about it

at all ~

This is not to say my parents

gave none

but as all children do

I saw them as no fun -

an obstacle to be

overcome

like a roadblock -

designed to stop my every

notion and my

self-discovery in

motion

while my Grandmother's

displayed real and true emotion

and discipline

with restraint

and taught me etiquette

and how to wring

a chicken's neck

right before you lop the head

off

and other such fundamental

stuff -

so diverse were the world's

they came from -

and the Great Grandmother's

were white-haired 90 - something

and not so much for chatting

at the last

but could still

demonstrate the lost art of

tatting -

teaching sewing to me on the treadle machine

when they were younger older Women -

like me now ~

and one dropped her hair past her feet

every evening -

undid the combs and brushed one hundred strokes

before she said her prayers and

went to sleep ~

So my turn has come to share

the best of all I have become

with a tiny girl -

a future Woman -

first Grand-daughter

looking like her father

with her Momma's dancer feet

and a little bit me like

me

around the edges

and I swear I see my

Grama Grama's

in her face

somewhere . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Grama Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

 

News from Grama Vi ~

HARK !

The herald Angels

sing !!!!!!

Upon this day

came

a display

of the highest

Prayerful Power -

at 3 o'clock - something

hour -

when what I

'knew' to be true

and asked to be

gifted

with

came at last !!!!!

No - it's not a house or

car -

no it's not a buncha

money !

It's even better than

all of that -

the long awaited

feminine -

after long standing

male dominance -

has arrived

and slightly ahead

of her time

where she shall remain

throughout

I have no doubt -

as I lay

hands

on her Momma's belly

full of

her

and proclaimed -

" She will look like

me

and be so

as well " ~

I don't need her to -

I just "know"

and if I'm

right

she'll be forthright and

grant that she'll

have tenacity and

strength of her own

will ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A tiny dark-haired

future

WOMAN

weighing in at

6 - 15

was lovingly brought

into the world

today -

into Love and Happy Family

as it should be ~

Women in my

ancestry

are a formidable

buncha beauties -

this

her legacy -

in her D.N.A.

Oh Grama

Grama -

moob ober Grama -

look at me !!!

And Grama

Grama

I miss you

so -

as one day she

will

me ~

It's a GIRL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I'm blissed and

blessed and

and overjoyed

if there is sucha thing

and

I get to dress her in

frills and

give her hair a

curl

and pass on the things

that were passed on

to me -

like " Trot-trot-trot

to Danbury Cross "

and " You are my

Sunshine " and

how to make pie crust

that never

fails and how to

Love

a lot

and become

all we were created

to do and

be . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Grama - for the third time

and this time - It's a GIRL- happy Happy Joy joy !

yeah, y'all !!!!!!!

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

Grama Vi . . .

. . . got to feel the third

Grandchild

rock and roll and

kick

today

in the rapidly expanding

Baby Momma

belly ~

Third eye sight

sees -

with both hands wrapped

around the

basketball of Baby -

the child will

look like me ~

I don't need the baby to

wear my genetic features -

it matters NOT to me

but

I just know that it

will be so -

like I knew not to go

on the road

before the tornado

hit

two weeks ago ~

Baby

coming soon

is among

MUCH Family LOVE

following two

beautiful grandsons

and wouldn't it be fun if

Baby

was a little girl

for me to dress in frills and lace

and put curls in her hair and

teach as I was taught

by my Grandmothers grace

something of being

a LADY -

oft-times not easily adhered to

while growing up

but

" Train up a child in the way that is right

and when he is old

he will not depart from it " -

a quotable favorite ideal

Grama Vi has passed on to her

loved ones ~

It brings a tear to the

eye of

Grama Violet

ME

that it seems like just

yesterday

when Baby's Daddy

was rocking and rolling and

kicking in

my Momma Violet

basketball belly -

a tear falls for all

that has come and

gone . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Grama Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

 

Three/4

My third child came

shortly after his brother

15 months later

a tiny new boy

for my joy

a gift to me

His name reads like

the conqueror

he will become

if he wants to ~

I was sure after he was born

that his ' will '

would be his savior

in the long run

And run he did

all day long

so at night when he cried

leg muscles cramping

I cried too and

soothed him to sleep

but he was awake soon

up with the birds

a busy three year old

confident of his every notion

he was poetry in motion

when I was Thirty-three ~

he tried to fly

from the roof next door

one three year old day

and Please sit down !

was all I could say

as help was on the way

and I waited to catch him ~

when he skinned up

his elbows and knees

out doing little boy stuff

I rocked him and loved him

and sang You are My Sunshine ~

his pale blonde baby hair

became darker for awhile

and then blonde again

and this repeated several times

and new-born blue eyes

changed to darkly exotic

quick to smile

quite perceptive

and heartily sensitive

and at five he cried when his friend's

hamster died

and he knows things without

being told

just like me ~

so I taught him to talk and I

taught him to walk

and all of the manners he knows

and I tried to keep him

from crossing the street

and I eventually knew

no matter what he would do

he was going to be

alright !

He is a spiritual guide sent to me

and I am PROUD ~

He's so beautiful -

a delightful young man

he is loved beyond description

and has been right from

the start

from his first breath

and his first word

and his first day at school

when I got that lump again

in my throat for the third time

from having to let go

I can still feel his baby breath

on my neck

sleeping on my shoulder

no one will ever know

when I watched him grow

how a space in my heart

will always be his

chiseled in solid

Unconditionally

forever for him . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Mom Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Five/5

He was five

when I was twenty

the rest

eighteen

fourteen and

eight -

and we all helped out

there is no doubt

we took care plenty ~

he's the only one

we'll ever have !

I got such joy

from the little boy

with his trucks

and G.I. Joe's

and just how special

he's been to me

he'll probably never

know

And I taught him to walk

and I taught him to talk

and once his favorite word was

"pollution"

as he rode in the back of

the Chrysler

and he'd point to the sky

as the diesel passed by and say

"grampa grampa"

"Pollution" !

And I caught him once when he

ran too far

when a nightmare

woke him up

and rocked him to sleep

kept him from

running in the street

when he almost got hit by a car

It's a boy - alright

was all I could say

when he put a plastic spider

on my breakfast plate

he was eight

He artfully

cares for his family

and has never

been rude to me ~

****************

Eureka !

it's a boy !

I shouted

at the voice upon the phone

calling to say

the new baby born

is different than the rest

at home

when I was near fifteen

and we didn't know exactly

what this would mean ~

On his first day home

we greeted him with

awe and fascination

And he broke me

in

with the difference in

baby boys and baby

girls

when I changed his wet

to dry ones

by pee-ing straight into my eye

and some got up my

nose ~

We had so much fun when we

taught him young

to trust our every move

as we tossed him like a football

nine months old

across the room

back and forth

and never once

dropped him ~

he loved it !

I would part with all the glitter and

the diamonds

and the gold

if it helps him live

and prosper

and grow really really

old

And I fought back

the bigger kids

trying to pick on him

and watched his every move

as he tri-cycled down the sidewalk

past neighborhood

buffoons ~

Yes I'm older now

but I still know how

to take up for my own

and I'd give a shot

at making it stop

if danger came his way ~

He grew so far

to be a Man

who I respect and so admire

and its carved in hard

forever in my heart

nothing special is required ~

unconditionally

inspired

. . . he was five

I was twenty . . .

He is beautiful!

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

One/4

" and who would break

the arms entwined

and crush what God has meant

to be

no other can calm the

fears or love so deep

we are not whole as one and one

existing so softened by

dependency " ~ Me

( Mother and Child ~ 1973 )

She was first

for me -

from me

after long and labored

practicality -

many diapered by my hand

already -

I knew what to do

with a brand new baby ~

But none had been mine

before her

and no more would come for

a long long

time ~

An almond-eyed child

with indigo hair

Spain in her veins

a hint of Castillano tint in her skin -

no blonde hair from

her Daddy

until later ~

She looked like me

he said

and we dug through a snowbank

to take her around

to see her family

too young and itchy to

stay home

We were PROUD !

Too young and

itchy to stay

married ~

She became everything

to me ~ alone

when she was one

and I was twenty ~

I had read to her while

she grew in the womb

and continued so

she read back to me

at age three

No T.V. !

Her newborn dark hair

was replaced with spun gold

like her heart

and I fed her and bathed her

and held her with care

watched her every breath

without sleep the

first 3 weeks of her life

in fearful new Mother fashion

and dressed her in frilly

girlie dresses and curled her golden hair

so she was stylin' !

And she crawled and took steps and

talked

with no hesitation !!!

Ringo Starr and ABBA woke her

out of her sleep

while she jumped up and

down

kept the beat and

sang along from her

one year old crib

A beautiful kid !

Kind and sweet-natured

to this day

We played patty-cake

and trot- trot- trot

to Danbury Cross

and I kept her from crossing

the street and

we sang I Love you

a bushel and a peck . . .

like I used to do

My Mom

My Grama and me ~

I cried when she grew

time for her to go

to school

a lump in my throat at

the school bus each day

We had family

for sure

and a love that endures

It took a Village

for us

I was PROUD

then and now

she's a gift

and I see I was not

wrong

It was right to teach

the right from the wrong

and tell her the truth

about life

all along

and to give wings when

others would doubt

and to pick her up when

she'd fall

and rock her and sing

You are My Sunshine

and she is

right up to

this very day ~

I gave all that I could

honestly with no hesitation

and it returns to me

ten-fold

as I'm growing old -

when she's forthright and

gracefully bold

and discerning and

deliberate in

her choices ~

She's a part of my heart

I could not live without

she is calm

in a sea of mad voices

she's a smile

when the world hurts

my mind

She's a doll and a peach

and was easy to teach

with a

snuggle and hug

like a bug in a rug

when all in my life

went so wrong -

we were strong ~

She saw it all

and chose not to fall

in the same hole where

I almost drowned

The world is a better place

cuz she's around

I would do anything for the asking

for my one and only

sweet baby girl

who grew tall

kind and wise

and became a really great

Mother herself

She's so beautiful

I have to tell it

She is so loved

nothing

can quell it

no matter what

A place carved into my heart

forever for her

Unconditionally . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Mom Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

Four/4

When his brothers were only

two and three

another gift came to me -

my last child

the 'baby'

and there always has to be one

in every family

for my joy

a tiny boy!

His name reads like

the messenger he will become

if he wants to

my third son ~

a hint of red in his

fair baby hair

paled to towhead

and his clear blue new eyes

changed to blue/green like

the sea and

he was quite attached to me

going every where I went

if possible and

when he was four

threatening to run away from home

I helped him pack

and said good-bye

at the door

waiting for the knock

I knew would come ~

He came back ten minutes later

asking could he stay the night

it was cold outside and dark ~

He was My Sunshine at

a strange time in life

and came to save me

against all odds

and "a bushel and a peck  and a hug around the neck" ~

I was Thirty-six when he was four

and by then I had taught him

how to talk and to walk and

how to play cards

why you need to

buckle up and the importance of

etiquette

and he was the

last of my children to wear

my first red cowboy boots ~

and once I had to knock him off

his feet when he tried to

cross the street

in the path

of an oncoming car -

running at top speed

I could not reach him as

he giggled in his Pampers

escaping out the door across the wide lawn

so I jet propelled off

tiptoes

praying for needed extra power

and dropped him with a swat

face-first onto the street

as the car went whooosh

inches from his head

and he was mad ! ~

His smile lit up the room

everywhere

then and now -

He's so beautiful !

The world was drawn to him the moment he was born -

little messiah in an infant seat -

I cried when he fell and

split his eye

and even louder when

he did it again two weeks later -

same eye ~

and I rocked him and held him and

kissed his baby feet

and called him "the FAT"

just for fun

and by then I did diapers

one-handed

while I tended to another brother

or two

at the same time

and took care of him

and three older children

with instinctive intuitive

experienced Mother's eyes

in a circle around my head

and predicted he would

accomplish some great feat

with accuracy

and I was right

as the music pours forth ~

He is so loved

beyond a definition ~

an incredible young man

who created a place

in my heart

for eternity

and I am PROUD

no matter what!

Unconditionally

forever for him . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Mom Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Four/5

Her baby soft

four year old cheeks

were next to mine

frequently

when I was

sixteen -

she came and hugged

me

quite often -

happy and safe

when with me 

on my hip hugging my neck !

We were told

1,2,3

all lined up for

the news -

when we were twelve years

and seven and ten ~

be expecting a baby

coming real soon -

in the Spring

and we watched Mom

growing larger -

amazed !

She was born on the first day

of a green growing season

bringing fresh air to all that had been

and the sounds in the night

became calm

from the fight

and by then I was seasoned

in the guarding and

care of

the young

as I kept her from crossing the street and

pulled thorns from her feet

when she'd take off her

tied-shoes and run !

A yellow-haired

dark-eyed cutie

attached to me at the

hip at

every opportunity

and I rocked her and cried

along with her

the first time she bit her

lip -

and taught her to walk

talk and skip -

and I tended to her

like our own Mother did

even when she decorated the wall

with her full diaper

while in her crib

and it would be a dark day

if someone set to

injure

the fourth

in any way and

I would give her the sun and

the moon and the stars

and fishes and bells

and my car

or the secrets of the

Universe

but she hasn't asked me

so far and -

if she needed my eyes

I would pluck them out

gladly

but would miss the great light

when she smiles ~

She was too young for nightclubs

when I ran off the

bad girls

and too sweet to be one

herself

so when strife and

separation

brought weapons

to the lawn of our family

I went looking

for the jerk

impressing quietly

that whatever necessary

would be done

to insure the safety

of the fourth

and EVERYONE

with everything I've got

so

you better STOP

and never even raised my

voice ~

There it is -

carved in its place

my love and grace

unconditionally

. . . she was four

I was sixteen . . .

She is beautiful

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

In the Backyard . . .

 

. . . where tight-rope walking

the picket fence was preferable

a peaceful place

when

no one joined me from inside the

house

we called home

but really

a dwelling

where war waged constantly

we called it love

somehow

never calm for long

happy in the unhappiness

unending

up to now

 

 

I played “Chicken”

with my sisters

in the backyard

throwing the best steak knives

from the kitchen

at each others’ feet

for points

on the narrow lawn

and swung from the clothesline post

by our knees

pulling each others’ blouses down

never getting along for too long

anyhow

no one did or does

to this day

 

 

Next door on either side

and across the alley

I never heard the husband

call his wife

names

in the night so

maybe they whispered when

they had a fight

Didn’t everybody go to battle

sometimes

yell and scream

and kick their family to the floor

or out the door and make

a public display of

what is known as

dysfunction today?

 

 

No not everyone

but more than some

were less obviously unable

to love their

loved ones

and they lived on the other side of the

picket

where I could jump the fence

to get away

and hang out

in their backyard

with people not fighting

and pretend I did not know

or notice

when the screaming started

from my house

 

 

Funny how

they

blamed it all

on me

then and still

even when I wasn’t home . . .

 

 

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the Vortex

 

 

In my fantasy . . .

. . . all is well and

so is everyone collectively ~

We're all getting along famously -

and what shining examples we are

too -

so much that others ask how we do it !

Even animals and children are drawn to it

like everyone is to

really good stuff ~

POOF - I'm awake now

where in reality we suck as a group and

should be ashamed but that would require

some conscience about it

and we're so obtuse that even the

protestations of the

wisdom of the children go

unheard

and uncounted

Stupid Herd ! ? % & ;

In the real world -

one I'm not so proud to be part of -

not when I keep having to remove myself

because lack of functionality including

common courtesy has once again

ignorantly gone too far !

What a waste !

And what for ?

Is someone winning the race

or simply content with building a case ?

It is obvious who benefits from

unwillingness to find peace !

Is it the one at the end of a leash

you only think you have mastery of ?

There is hidden from sight

cruelly at your right

a wolf in sheeps clothing

friendly it seems

but things are not always as they . . .

What you have is NO LOVE -

if it's O.K. with you to take it ALL away from

EVERYONE involved just because of

selfish selfish you !

So many innocent ones owe it all to You

and you and yOU !

But wait - it is fantasy after all

that we could be having so much fun !

Instead paranoia is allowed to run

rampant

filling in blanks with answers to questions

unasked

messages unanswered

and mild hysteria rules the self-righteous

mask

How could it be any other way ?

Call a well-functioning organization and

see what they have to say !

If you don't happen to know one -

ask yourself what a sane person would do

and do that for a change instead of

whatever it is you do !

Realmente fantastico loco !!!

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Gambler . . .

. . . rolled the dice

Snake Eyes high

the first time

and took home

every paycheck in the pot

more than once

from neighborhood Friday Night

poker -

never lost lost more than

a five dollar ante

in my life -

not afraid to lose

at all -

well acquainted with it

in other areas of life -

I've been a wife

more than once and

am widowed

currently

and too many family and friends

have

gone before me

and I never left

a day of

slot machining

with less $

than I came with

and I took a chance

that the plane would

land

when I sent my Daughter

to her Daddy

in the Summertime

to know her family

and I looked at the

odds

when I let my Sons

be guided by

their Father's hand

to learn something of being

a MAN

betting high on a hand

devoid of Aces

and rolled the dice . . .

. . . a Gambler knows what

Faith is -

a requirement for risk-taking

estimating

fearlessly

where the cards might be

and the nature of

purely positively intended

energy

caution thrown to

Intuition -

Hope Faith and Love

and a patient poker-face

produced

4 Aces

and what

wonderful children

I've got -

I won the

jack pot . . . !

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

 

 

 

Moms take all the heat . . .

. . . and I blamed mine too

like we ALL do

so I'm  ON  to every angle

of the dangle

of the lameness of the

game -

but you got more of me

than I got of her

and you will continue to

and changing anything

by the way

starts with you -

progress is occurring

generationally speaking

and perfection is an illusion

which in reality  does not

exist ~

said Petunia

of her Mother

to her adult child ~

You all got less than

perfectly ideal

depending of course

what you're comparing it to

but what you got was

really real

and as

self-less

as possible

Oh there were times I could have

done more -

like ALL Mothers lament

in the end -

but no one will ever Love you

more

not your Father or

your brother or

your sister

husband/wife or

friend !

It's a Mother's Right

we defend

and when you pause to

criticize

realize

EVERYONE complains about

their Mother

looking for excuse and

alibi

for why they are

the way they are

and seldom blame their Father -

but then it is easier to pick on

the one who's not

stronger

or wasn't gone longer

or whatever your criterion

for deciding who is

wronger (tee-hee) ~

She's the one who made sure you did not die

when you were a shark-eyed toddler

and rocked you off to sleep

which you can't remember

while she fed you at her breast

and you were the lucky one

to come to her and not some other

Mother ~

The same one becomes

scape-goated

fodder

later

when your basic human nature

and inherent flaws therein

you deny and try

when in a

jam

to establish blame

taking no responsibility

whatsoever in the matter !!!

It must have been your

Mother

who landed you in jail

and pissed you off when she

wouldn't make bail

yeah it must have been

your Mom

who

made you drink and drive around

and lie and cheat

and steal

and fail the breath-alyzer

and certainly she

was remiss

when you were too young to kiss

and you did it

anyway

and erupted with MONO

and interrupted in class and

made the teacher so mad

you were suspended for the day !!!

And of course it was your

MOM

who let the gunk build on your teeth

and left your bedroom all a mess

making sure your homework

never got done -

she also never washed

a thing -

never made you eat breakfast or

take a bath and

that's why today

IT'S ALL HER FAULT

just ask

the average person

and they will

repeat that their Mother

made them who they are

today -

and sometimes it's complimentary -

if they have a bit of healthy self-concern

but if they're filled with insecurity

and loath themselves

to boot

and haven't made right

their wrongs just yet

somehow they imply

that the reason why

has to do with the imperfections

of their MOM !

So let me know how it is for you

when your child

grows into an adult ( !?!?! )

and turns

telling all who will listen

that his/her Mother's love is

why he/she is such

an interesting specimen

of non-responsibility -

still unwilling to live up to

his/her own measuring stick

of acceptability

and it's all Mom's fault

because of course

establishing blame is as far as

most of us get -

we're so brilliant . . .

Petunia said in closing

to her child

and called me up to say -

It is so

not fair

after all that care

of many little pattering

pajama feet

and no help and no money and

no sleep

that Mothers

take all the heat . . . !!!

And then she cried like the baby her child

used to be ?!?!!!!

There there sweet Petunia

I consoled her and said -

If it's any consolation

they all will grow up and have children

themselves . . . !!!!!!!!!

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

 

 

Fat'ncat

I drove home from

her funeral after

~ Gardenia

was laid to rest ~

a horrendous ordeal

gathered folks together

who would otherwise not meet

Condolences then

and now for those who

loved Gardenia ~

murdered by a jealous

lover

a man who once her neighbor

three weeks later

killed his wife ~

So from a negative negative

negative situation

a distantly mutual 

acquaintance in the ' after '

coffee crowd

exclaimed her need to

find a new home for her

" 8 year old neutered

never- made- me- mad in

his whole

life "

cat

I replied involuntarily

" I have a mouse !? "

although I didn't know why

I said a word ~

and then later she delivered

a taped shut extra large

filled with air holes

cardboard box

with cat gear loaded into

the cat carrier ????

in the dark

we filled my car

and she cried and put her

old bathrobe in the backseat

so her scent would be near

so he would not be

so badly affected

by the twilight-zone

experience he was

having

since she

shut him in the box ~

And so I drove for two hours

while the poor man-cat

meowed and thrashed around

and I cried too

talking to him

all the way home

with a cat and

disbelief ~

Gardenia's murder

earlier in the week

had stunned me

Her funeral numbed me

I realized

when I carried

the heavy box

into my living room

as I stripped off the tape

and

opened the flaps

I had no idea

what the cat looked like !

It could be ANYTHING

at all !

and out stepped a

mostly white medium coat

strangely marked with black

BIG'NFAT'NCAT !!!!!!!!!!!!

Eighteen pounds if he's an ounce

one green eye marked with

black melting down from the top

of his head

the other green eye surrounded by

his dominant white

A perfect 3 inch dot situated

mid - shoulder

at the back of his neck

and smaller indigo spots

on two legs

a paw and his head

On his rump

larger round dots

run together

in the shape of a PUPPY

with a profile like a Scottie and

a little curled-up tail !

It was surreal

the feel

of the strange-to-me

feline

at first sight

He came at the precise

moment I needed

another beating heart

in my house

but didn't know it

until that night

I was paralyzed by FEAR

at news of the DEATH of

the GARDENIA and he gave me a reason

to get off my chair

to give a care

right when

Universal Boss knew

I needed him most ( Merci ! )

Big'ncat'nfat'ncat

A.K.A. Fat'n

He's so beautiful

when he lets himself in

the old screened front door

in the summertime

by flipping it open with a paw

and gives it a push

and lets himself out

when he wants

and wakes me if I'm nodding

in my chair

and understands my every word

( if the cat could only talk ! )  . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

Once upon a Peony's birthday

When you were ten

a wide-smiling bud

of a beauty

you were a handful according

to your Mother

I've had no reason to question

her remembrance

and for me it confirms

you were a child once

just like I was

and I remember she loved you

can't forget

don't know why ~

~~~~~

At twenty you were my Mother

I could have no other

And I adored you

so did he

I was a cutie and

you were a

beauty and

a new sister joined us

she was cute too

and I remember you loved us

don't forget

how could I ? ~

~~~~~

By the time you were

thirty

you were Gorgeous George

flirty

looking great

in a very short skirt

I was terribly twelv-ish

approximately

peevish

and by now two more cuties

showed up

He was gone

you were strong

I remember you tried

can't forsake

sixth grade eyes ~

~~~~~

Forty sculpted the fabric

of your life like no other

He'd been back so perhaps

thank you both for

our Brother

I had bucked through your thirties

while you canvassed your mind

I ran wild

I remember you learned

can't unsketch

your fine lines ~

~~~~~

Degreed Grama at fifty

you were still  looking nifty

turning heads in your suit

at the pool

All your cuties were

Mommies

and our babies we prized

as we loved you a bushel

pecked and hugged around

your neck and a barrel

and a heap had us

talking in our sleep

about you

about . . .

I remember you lovely

no mistake

how time flies ~

~~~~~

At sixty you surprised me

with your boundless energy

You've been a long time coming

you'll be a long time gone

(Where is she now ?)

East West

somewhere in the atlas

holed up in Wyoming

with another bunch of canvas

Busting sod

moving rocks

I remember you stunning

can't erase

your green eyes ~

~~~~~

Do Libra's pause at

seventy

to balance out the scales ?

to gather up refining time

and smooth out all details ?

I'll never know

I'm Capricorn and

only fifty-two

all because of you

you gave me guts

you know

I remember you always

can't forget

how could I ~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

( A couple of Peony birthdays ago )

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

A thousand things

" A thousand things

went right today "

this came down the

Collective Airway ~

This small sentence

six simple words

made me pause to

reflect

on what could have happened

that did not

yet

and may or may not

whatever it be

a thousand things went right

today

for me:

I woke up

I still see

walk and talk

There is coffee in the pot

and no bombs dropping

on my street

My car started

as opposed to

not

and I'm counting right now

what is right

and not what is

not ~

A thousand things

went right

in the past as well

I find

as I'm gifted by my

parenting choices

in the people my children

have become

When a son calls his Mom

with news to say

" I'm getting married "

and Mom can smile and say

O.K.!!!!

you know a thousand things

went right

all the way

Yay ! . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Mom Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

Grama's hair from hell

My two grandsons

seven and eleven years

young

each one a different

chromosomal rung

*

The oldest boy is tall

like my family

but does not really look like me

The only place my D.N.A. is read

is on the shapely crown upon

his head

*

The youngest is a more compact

package and oh so

lively

His nose and toes and smile

look more like me

But the place where his Grama can

most be found

is the hairy auburn

tornadoes

circling his crown

It's on all sideways

and upside wrong

a curl here

a frizz there

it can never be long !

It parts in the middle

on the side

not the top

Right after you brush it

it looks like a mop

It wildly springs

from the left

and then right

And right out of bed

it's a mess and

a fright

When three tornadoes

don't meet in the middle

the combing of hair

can be such a riddle

*

Oh God

one has my head

which hair can cover well

but the one who has tornadoes

has Grama's hair from hell . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Grama Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

Much to compose

. . . I sang to my children

all lyric and rhyme

and I sang to them all

and one at a time

I held them and rocked them

as I rocked and rolled

and I taught them persistence

and the way it all flowed

and I sang to my children

You Are My Sunshine

and they smiled their love back -

we were all keeping time

as I bossed them and bathed them

and wiped up their nose -

they were magic

there was mayhem

there was much to compose

so I sang to them softly

of a bushel and a peck

and a barrel and a heap

and a hug around the neck

and a little tea pot

short and stout

had us talking in our sleep

about you

about . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

Two/4

Almost a decade after

my baby girl

my first son came along ~

I tried

to conceive

for a few years

closing in on thirty

a ticking biological clock

instinctively audible in the

background

What could be wrong ?

When I stopped trying

then God agreed

and a tiny new boy came

a gift to me

for my joy

Both of us almost died

that day

His father almost went away

from a cold hospital room

with no one

almost ~

His name reads

like the philosopher he'll

become

if he wants to

and his intellect

was obvious when he

was very young

my first son ~

I cried all day

with him

when a swing caught him

on the noggin

and I put him on my lap and

we rode downhill on a tobaggon

when he was two

and I was thirty-one ~

I can still see him smiling

when the dog found him

led me to him like Lassie

A little boy in a red shirt !

I alerted all the neighbors

Gone for a walk without me

and the red wagon

when a slat fell

out of the split rail

at the edges of the big

back yard

a space big enough for

a baby and a dog to

leave through

I thanked GOD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

when I found him

and spent the rest of the day

pounding

six-penny nails into the

hand-built fence

every slat ~

He was a sweet treat

and slept on my chest

for many weeks

when he was newly born

His dark hair

stayed that way

the only one of four

and his eyes became

kaleidescopes of colorful

surprise

As he grew I taught him

everything

I knew

to do and to not

every step

he took

every new book

finger paints and politeness

and once he taught adults

when he was three

how to remove a stocking hat from

up high on the brick

" The fishing pole, Dad "

he said when a bunch of grown-ups

could not figure it out ~

Especially endearing was his

first ever word

" Hi "

from his 4 month old

baby mouth

I swear

and he said it again and again

to me and

his next word was " Mom "

and I hope he will

always say it again

He grew well and off to school

a lump in my throat as I

said good-bye

at the bus

like the one years later

when the U.S. Army

took him away

I prayed he would

come back one day

and sent protection

with all my might

and still do today

as I smile at

the memory of his first

steps and first

toys and first

big-boy haircut

and the feel when he

hugged my neck

and fell asleep there ~

He strummed with a pick

in perfect time

to Dylan's beat

on his Daddy's guitar

at two and a half

Amazing ~

And we played hide and seek

and sang I Love You

a bushel and a peck

and I kept him from

crossing the street ~

He is so loved

and special

it defies all words

He is so beautiful !

A wonderful young Man

who thinks deeply 

about life

sharing insights with

me

and I am PROUD

and will always be

There's a place in my heart

set in hard from the start

forever for him

Unconditionally

no matter what . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Mom Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

Three/5

When she was three

third in line

and so much smaller than me

I was nine and grown

tall and

could take care of all

and would break up the fight

when the eight year old

or any one else

pushed her around ~

By now I'm proficient

with diapering

babies

and kept them from

crossing the street

even after they broke

my new crayons ~

On the day she was born

I remember so well

I was in school

and almost six years old

Your Mom went to get the new

baby today

I remember that's what

I was told

and they brought home

a rosy-cheeked

tiny one

with a head-full of

jet black

new hair

and I hugged her and held her

and changed her small clothes

watched her crawl and then walk

and then run

she was fun 

and I lived for the chance to

put clean rubber pants

on the baby like

I watched my Mom do

shaking powder and

holding my nose ~

It was still

in the night

'til the never - ending fight

would start up and we

cried and we ran

for our room

under covers we huddled

the three year old in the middle

and I'd give my right arm

if she needed a new one

or my blood

or whatever I could ~

It was carved from the start

just a place in my heart

as I picked her up

when she fell

and rocked her to sleep

carried her on my hip

helped her to walk

one step at a time

and taught her to talk

and giggled when she laughed

at cartoons

while still a baby ~

And many years later

at the nightclub

she was there

the bad girls threatened

her too

Without violence they knew

before

I was through

that

there was no point in laying

one hand on her

unequivocally

unconditionally

. . . she was three

I was nine . . .

She was beautiful

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

Two/5

Will you go

for me ?

she said from

the tub

with bubbles and

soap in her hair

and a desperate look

in her almond eyes

as I perched

the commode

I was three ~

She was two

and she knew

I would take care of

her

helping do

what

she still could not ~

She was small

I was tall

and could reach higher places

she was small and could

hide in small spaces

as we played hide and seek

and fun games like " PEEK "

and said our prayers every night

on our knees ~

I picked her up when she fell

knocked her down when

she bit me

kept her from crossing the street

helped her up into bed

buttoned up the new dress

gave my cookie to her

when she cried

We shared the big

couch

when chicken-pox

ate us

and I was handy for playing

dress-up and

paper dolls

and when

shoestrings were needing

to be tied ~

***********************

I can't !

I said

finally

after searching my head

for ways to give her what she

asked

I can't go for you

I already went -

but will you go for me

the next time ?

holding my

little self

up

on the toilet

while parents

in the doorway

were yukking it up ~

And at four years and

five

with VIOLENCE alive

I pulled her in the closet

with me

while we screamed and we cried

with fright in the night

from the fight

to protect her so

she wouldn't see ~

We were seven and eight

she came running

and said

some mean kid had

hit her

bruising her china-doll cheek

So I ran the kid down

and said don't come around

I'll protect her

with all of my might ! ~

In a nightclub

years later

as we danced and we twirled

she was getting the elbows

from some bad nasty girls

So I took them outside

introduced them to

me

and explained that

most certainly

they would not touch

a hair on her head

or they would risk retribution for

certain

and don't make me !

And they went away ~

like the years ~

so did she ~

And I would

to this day

find a way

to do for her

anything

she cannot do

for herself ~

I would give her a kidney

new shoes if she needed

feed her for sure

if she starves

I'd throw myself in front of

a fast moving truck

or any thing threatening

her life

A place in my heart has been

carved ~

that is love at its finest

unconditionally

. . . she was two

I was three . . .

She was beautiful

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

Almost

I almost lost the boy

when he was born

Seconds after

his first breath

the ruddy hue

of babies new

began to look

like death

He went away

to I.C.U.

and not a thing that I

could do

Then I did bleed

much too profusely

There is no read . . . !

the nurse said

tersely

and then again

but far away

I get no reading  . . . !

as she desperately pumped

the blood pressure cuff

She has no PULSE . . . . . . . .

bleeding out and

fading off  . . . . .

I guess I'm dying

today . . .

they took the baby

away . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

My only thought

as consciousness left me

was of the man

who might go home

with no one

alone

?

I

was

granted

ANOTHER DAY

36 hours later !

I awakened somewhere else

not the room where

I gave LIFE and

death tried to steal it

away . . .

In a bed

on a slant \

          with ICE

between my legs

Intravenous hoses

in both my arms

gravity pulling at

my head

Where is my son ?

and husband too ?

Is this heaven ?

What happened to my baby ?

I cannot move !

trying anyway to

for hours

while nurses gave vague

rhetoric to my baby boy's

condition

He's in intensive care

they said

ask your Doctor in the morning !

He's ALIVE !!!!!!

and that was all they told me

No hope in this vagary

I set about

to get up

and out

and find my new son !

I got to see him

for only a moment

and then he was gone ~

With needles jammed up

both my wrists

I could not

bend my hands

or even reach the up - down

switch

but nothing stops the

Maternal instinct

on a mission

Wild horses could not

keep me

from finding

a way

to touch and nurse

my baby

on this

Another Day !

Somehow I pulled

the bag of ICE

weighing fifteen pounds

with needles taped into my hands

and straining I.V. lines hard

until it fell

beneath the bed

and no one heard the sound

For an hour I tried to sit

and exhausted

fell back down

The I.V. poles with wheels

then proved my toughest

navigation

The right one had to

go to the end of the bed and

THEN around the corner

as I struggled to a kneeling

position

defying gravity

and I stumbled from bed

hitting my head

two I.V. poles finaly in front

of me

helping hold me up

even though nurses said

to stay in bed

Sliding down the wall to the door

on my back for support

almost fell coming

out in the hall

People passing in crowds

white coats walking around

like they don't see me

like I'm a ghost

not a one bat an eye

they did nothing to stop me

at all

Maybe heaven is a hospital

after all ? ~

Slid down the hall

one shaking step at a time

in a hospital gown

pushing one pole and

pulling the other

and finally found

Baby Intensive Care

When I fell through the door

two nurses caught me

and said

" We were wondering how long

it would take you !

He's right over here

beneath a light

he wasn't breathing

well at all through the night

but we think he's going to be

alright !

His color is better

and we just knew

you'd come find him

most mother's do ! " ~

Then two days later

in a hospital bed

on maternity floor with me

he ceased to breath

again

and I threw a bedpan

into the hallway

alerting help

God NO !

and they took him away

again . . . . . . . . . . . . .    . . .

. . . . . . . . . . .

The " Croup " killed many babies

back in the day and

almost took him

eighteen months later

No medicine

was helping at first -

only recently was there a cure

Now a toddler in an

oxygen tent

his lips were blue

chest heaving

with every breath

another dance with

almost death . . . . . . .

and then he grew 

well with no problem

for years

old enough to

join the U.S. Army

every mother fears

And when THEY !?!???  attacked

The Pentagon

9/11/2001

he was right next door

on a military base

in lock down

as I watched Horrendous

on my T.V.

terrified !!!!!!

There was no word

for ten long days

whether he was lost

or whether saved

I almost lost him

more than once . . .

I have deepest condolences

and compassion

for those who

did not almost

lose their

sons

and daughters

and brothers and

sisters and husbands and

wives and parents and

neighbors and friends . . .

VIOLENCE DOESN"T GET

MORE DOMESTIC THAN THAT !

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~ et armis

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

Pennies are money too

" A penny saved

is a penny earned "

my Grama used to say

" And if you keep them

in a jar

they'll help you

one fine day "

We'd count them out

and look for dates

at least as old as she was

" And if you keep one

in your shoe

you're lucky just because " . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

The First

I'm eldest

in my family

not just the immediate

but on both

sides

The first to

cut a path

blaze a trail

through uncharted

terrain

Among five siblings

and fifteen cousins

I am the first

of twenty

sharing my same

bloodlines

Nomadic

somewhat

all of us

and culturally

diverse

We are naturally towhead

fair blue - eyed types

and Native American

looking

and everything in

between

We weren't here first though -

we're

imported European folks

like most everybody

here

in America - that is

We all like to

go

to places

we've never been

before

sometimes staying for

long stretches of

life

before moving

on

Some of us

got to live

in three states in

kindergarten

before

settling down in a

brand new town

and staying until

graduation

experiencing several

different neighborhoods

and meeting wonderful

people

in that same

small town

And that one sees the world

by jet

a hundred times now

I'll bet

And some of us flew them

jets - that is

And some came to

America

by boat

pre-jet era

from Norway and

France

and next door neighbor

Spain

From the island of

Britain and

Ireland to the north

and a smattering of

Dutch

~" sprechen ze Deutsch? " ~

And one was Knighted by

the then King of

England

in 1592

my good Chap !

just to illustrate what some

of us have been

up to

and to add dimension

to that which is US

some have tilled the land

and some have oathed

Hippocratic

caring for the village on horseback

in  a foreign land

Some have taught

and left the world a better place ~

As the first of

an immediate 20

Well - no, they

came

gradually

one at a time

behind

me

sometimes

in rapid succession

within weeks of

each other

They were immediate

family

in the sense that

none were strangers to

me

as I was growing up ~

From US

many children

have been born and

some of them are

Nomadic

too

jets and all ~

So as the firstborn

there was enormous

pressure to

perform

Great things were

expected

My reaction to this

was the birth of

the Violet ~ Wild Child

The wildest child alive in 1965

just saying

NO

to the silent and

not so silent

expectations

with a Scandinavian

resolve

~ " sprecken ze ? " ~

fueled by

Barcelona

~ " Yo habla es ? " ~

found in the  "Good old chap"

air

at a local Irish Pub

in a haute couture

haircut

at the University top

~ " Parle vous ? " ~

And I've chased lots of

babies

countless diapers I've

changed

and I fed them and

hugged them and rocked

them and sang

You Are My Sunshine !

and we played and had fun

when their own Moms

were gone

or not

and I defended and

protected

them from others

and themselves

and kicked their ass

if need be

and lined them up and

stepped aside

from time to time

to let the next one

in line

take over for me

and it wasn't her job

either  too  also

and I did whate'er

a Wild Child

does

when wanting to be

free

and came back to

diaper a baby

some more

and another one

and more

and I babysat the neighborhood

and then came my

own

fortunate four

I say fortunate

for there

I'm at my best

And I've seen babies

become 3 and 12 and 21

repeatedly

and I carved a

trail

for all to choose from

with all of life upon it

to hopefully pick

wisely

what to do and

what to  NOT

as I blazed through a place where

none had gone before

in the 60's

Oh My God

What a wild time for

brand new teenage

stuff !

And a wild war-zone

at home ~

I was alone once

for a while

The only child

briefly

for a year and

a little more

and I'm half blind now

from

the endless

camera flash in

my eyes

then ~

living past the

halfway point

somehow

when  I didn't think

I'd see 35

And I like to be alone

now

I'm good with

solitude

finding cherished

memories

in reflecting on

the brood

that followed in every other one

of my footsteps

through the

jungle

behind me

babies

and each then

took their path

choosing life

from all the enormous

possibilities

independently of

me . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

And so did she

So much to learn everyday

on purpose

especially from the children

and their ability for easy

honesty

My six year old grandson

a 'package' to me

Asked me today as we

drove hither and yon

with visions of Ice cream dancing in our heads

if I had  " ever had any children ! "

Grama Vi's excellent adventure begins

" Why, yes I have " I replied

tee hee hee heeeee !

" And your mother is one of them,

and so are the uncles

and the reason you are here is because I had children

  and so did my mother, and so did hers, and

so did hers, and so did hers, and so

did hers

and

so did she - your mother

and so you are

and you will have children too

if you wish

or not "

And

to my

surprise

a light came

in his eyes - he

finally    ' got it '

I remember being a child

who finally ' got it '

when it was explained - Who's

who? - relative to me

As it fell into place

the gene-ing of the meaning

in the genealogy

" and who is your brother-in-laws sister ? "

" Oh - not related to me ? "

light in my eyes

comprende' ?

" OHHHhhhhh . . . "

I ' got ' and I ' get '

frequently

it has never stopped

and it never will

Learning  is still

my

favorite thing

and nothing

is more precious

in this life than being

witness to the light  . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Grama Vi  +&+&+&+

Survivor  . . . from the VORTEX

Some Women

    A man once told me:

" The line up of beauties -

    all four together -

  was a Power  that he

" could not recall  ever seeing before "

" One chestnut, one auburn

one was light, one was night

And they gathered and gossiped

and mingled and laughed and

they wandered and they jostled

and gathered again

One went out

one came in

Two

    paired up

        arm in arm

and proceeded to

                jitterbug

       Two

stood up

strolled the room

         fixed a picture to the wall

               and then strolled 'round again

One wore heels, one wore flats

one was belted, one wore hats "

Each was different, but at

the same time

each uniquely

the same

" And, I've seen nothing like it

in all my born days "

He went on with a flourish

" and do you realize

when they stand all together

        they're near on the same size ?

One is Hepburn, one Gabor

There's Rita Hayworth

and I'd swear that

one is Dorothy LaMour

No matter the difference

there's one thing the same

They can all throw the same damn

look of disdain !

One is curly, one long

one is up in a bun, and one

has some kinda' hairdo

by Vidal Sassoon

It was blinding - the flash

when they all smiled at once

and they powdered their turned-up

tiny noses

when they finished lunch

One wore black, one wore white

One was leather, one lace

There was nothing I wanted but to stand back

and stare

They were mesmerized magic

with a Powerful flair  . . . "

And he told me the story

behind their beautiful backs

He told me the story after

the fact - when the party was over

and they'd all gone home

He went on and on

telling me and a stranger

I said " yes, aren't they great? "

He said " yes, and you're

one of them

Great is putting it mildly for it's more like

magnificent marvelous glorious Goddesses

You four are not just  ' some women '

' Some women ' are plainly pale in

comparison

and can't hit a nail with a hammer

' Some women '  just have

no manners

' Some women ' don't sport dresses

with such elegant style

and ' some women '  can't

dance in high heels

much less wear a hat

They don't carry themselves

the way your women do

They aren't bright

much less bubbly

And ' some women ' have mustaches

that look kinda' stubbly

You are beauties - all four

you are special and I'm tellin' ya

I'm old and I've seen a thing and 

another and another thing or two

but

I've never seen anything at all like you "

{ a nice old gentlemen - 1993 }

Domestic Violet 

Semper Vi   &*#$%?

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

Peony's Dawta

For Peony's sake, I just heard from the Peony ( Paeonia )

"I could scream!" she said

This from simple PC withdrawal.

So, I know where I get my impatience with things technological,

for the Peony is my Mother.

NO SCREAMING PLEASE!

Violet simply responded with, "No screaming - just start laughing. It requires the same energy and pays off in the end." This I said to my MOM who has little ability to experience delayed immediate gratification sometimes as do I.          (If I plug it in - I want it to WORK!!!)

I then suggested she entertain herself with some of my writing - perhaps yet unread ?

ANYTHING but SCREAMING !!!!??!&@$*?

When we grow up we can become finally, completely, absolutely, ultra - sensitive to and

justly so

"OVER" THE SCREAMING

Oh, wait - did I say I was in line for sainthood or something?

No, sadly I learned to scream and yell real well, and once did so to the point of breaking my vocal chords, right before passing out.

You gotta be shrieking something awful to go unconscious from it. I couldn't talk for two weeks, nor could I sing a note for even longer; an injustice to the Violet Voice. And the "guy" was so not worth it! 

My voice was not created for screaming, so I don't now. Unless I get a harassing phone call, and then I just decline to engage now --- Most days, I just start laughing . . .

PEONY - people live in frustration and pain, it is the human condition - but . . . over the PC ? 

I know - it makes me crazy too !  You are not alone, but then you never were.

It must be what happens when you are an opulent, beautiful, flower

surrounded by worker ants all your bloomin' life.

The Peony

     stands TALL

           above the rest

and lives a  long, fragrant

and colorful life

with attractive all- season leaves

she stands   2 - 4 feet

Her flowers come in ones and two's

late in Spring

( P. lactiflora )  hybrids

voted most popular

may be Chinese or herbaceous

and prefers well-drained slightly acid soil

unless she's a tree ( P.suffruticosa )

also known as shrubbery

Please cover her eyes with dirt

and divide the 3-5 in late Summer

though not practical if she's tree-like

that's when she needs to be grafted !            

Sunshine

loves the PEONY

and look for spectacular blossoms - white, pink,

cream

to nearly yellow,

salmon pink, and red

She's a gorgeous

head

the Paeonia Peony

and has everything to do with the Me

of Me 

I've never met a more

brilliant flower

And a hardy one who took a trampling

by a boot heel or two

but her tree-likeness

helped her live to tell it now

PEONY - WOW !!!!

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

Mid - Bitch

 

The Sweetest gifts in life, come when you did not ask for them. They just arrive at your door, bringing a half of a pack of sugar - right when you needed it most. Sweets for the Sweet from a Sweetie. "You Sweetie, you"........

A Sweetie came today

the POPPY - my first child.

She joins The Flower Girls in the vase

Her Red color like no other

Her regal stride - held high her head

She is contrast in the garden

and lends a gentle curve

she holds her nerve

Her presence

right

because

the fight

in her sight which

blackened Vi's eye

the Poppy sent no dog to.

She has the Golden Peach of a husband, and

he'd better be, or I'll have to ____ the ______  _____ !

I am kidding - as I seldom do - then again . . .

Anywaay - Poppy had to WATCH

with her steadfast Poppy gaze

the Violet

grow, and cry and, fail and try, and bleed and fall, get up and build

again 

again 

trampled by a boot.

again  again  again  yet still

and through it all the Poppy stood tall.

She joins us in the bouquet of DOMESTIC VIOLET and THE FLOWER Girls

a child of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE who

to my knowlege

has not been vitimized in any way

by a man with a fast - moving fist

and who came to visit the VIOLET today with a story about

how her husband hogs the remote and

he says " ...what difference does it make  -  you'll be asleep in  mid-bitch! "

I laughed 'til there were tears in my Violet eyes

"So why do we have to watch motorcycles - I'm not interested in motorcy . . . zzzzzzz . . . zzzz . . . "

DOMESTIC VIOLET

Semper Vi   @#*&

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

Hi ya'll

 

Hi ya'll -

My first words. Those were literally my first words. I learned to talk in Texas! It was not my home for long, but just long enough to pick up the accent. It is still amazing how easily I can lapse into the twang, in the company of a Southerner. When I was in diapers, my parents took me to a southern state to where we stayed with Aunt Calla Lily and Uncle Air Force. While there I learned to spit my first words out of my drooling Baby Vi mouth - a moment still rued by most. I'm sure it was cute. "Oh, listen, Baby Vi speaks" - a sound they attempted to stifle on many occasions later.

As a twelve year old, I spent a summer in on an Air Force base in that same Southern State, with Aunt Calla while Uncle Air Force was flying missions over Viet Nam. She would not talk about it;  would not share a thing on the subject, no matter how many times and ways I asked. And I was, of course, a very  curious and concerned about everything - twelve year old. I went to Texas with Aunt Calla - to spend the summer keeping her company while Uncle Air Force was gone, and to help with her children. This was the perfect get-away from my own housefull of too - many children. I could stay home all summer and take care of resident children, or I could go in the Rambler station wagon with Aunt Calla and her brood through United States I had never seen before. It was an easy choice. Pick your poison.

Aunt Calla and I spent most days putting together jigsaw puzzles and drinking beer. I don't know how many twelve year olds have the unique privilege of starting the day in the company of an adult by opening a twelve-pack, but I did. Calla was an otherwise extremely intelligent and genteel Texas woman. She was most knowledgeable and I picked her brain relentlessly while we drank and fit together pieces of the puzzle just as relentlessly. All the while I chased and fed her toddlers and diapered the baby. And for me this was another bunch of children, always younger than me and needing my attention so their worn out mothers could have a break. How I grew up to have children is still beyond me.

I almost died of heat stroke when we made our way South in the Red Rambler, into the long state of Texas. For three days I was delirious and crying for my mother. When you're twelve you like to think you are the next best thing to a grown up, especially when the adults are treating you like one - taking care of their precious children and all - ya'll. So, there I was crying like a baby for my mommy, shocked at this, with a 105 degree fever keeping me from stopping. There's no place like home . . . Auntie Calla talked me through it and brought wet cloths for my head, but she was not my Mom. There's no one like your Mom, when you're dying. It was one of my first memorable near-death experiences. I was sun-burned on top of it. There's nothing like the Southern heat and sun on a Northerner's body, early in the summer. It was all just another nightmare, and when I woke up it was time to babysit and drink Black Label.

A Model taught me to walk with a book on my head that summer - at the Air Force Base swimming pool - the one for the Officers families. Aunt Calla took me and the five yunguns' to the pool whenever she decided to not drink beer first thing in the morning. There was the most beautiful "Older than Me" girl there with the blondest hair and the practiced walk only a Model can have. I watched for a few days, as she 'vamped' in her two-piece suit and dove into the pool with precision. Finally, I sidled up next to her and made some Little Violet noise about wishing I could dive like that, and I believe she said something about first needing to "know how to walk," and the next thing I know I am trying to leave the appropriate space between my thighs, while positioning my ankles in the right direction and feeling my inner knees pass each other just slightly - all with a book on it's side on the top of my not - flat head. This was a tough project for a pigeon-toed, knock-kneed twelve year old. Many times the book hit the concrete deck around the pool. Victory when I managed to do it to the specs. of the MODEL ! All this while chasing babies, as Aunt Calla ordered beer from the bar and got quietly shit-faced behind her Jackie "O" sunglasses, under an umbrella on a G.I. issued chaise lounge.

I dove like a knock-kneed, pigeon-toed dolphin by the end of the summer, and drank beer and watched home movies of Aunt Calla's family, who I had never met - asking twelve year old questions relentlessly. There was not yet a pigeon-hole for what the situation was, no right or wrong label applied. It was another day in the life of Little Vi. I'm really good at puzzles after that and never became good at drinking beer, but sure gave it the "Old College" try for the next too - many years, and it certainly looked like I had mastered John Barleycorn for a long while. It was the beginning of The Wild Violet Child, and armed with a book and a beer - I could do anything !!!!!

Or so I thought ...

I flew home at the summer's end, on a 747 at 35,000 feet with some freak in the seat next to me attempting to seduce me by insisting he was JOHN WAYNE, for fuck sake! I was not in love with the flying thing, but could not keep my face from plastering itself on the window - looking down all the way. That way I could ignore the FREAK next to me. From the air, the Mississippi River looks like a pencil line drawn on parchment. In the air, I just wanted down. My mother would be waiting at O'Hare and I was hung-over. At least the creepy guy in the next seat could not do too much on the airplane, unlike the older boy who had stalked me going home from the elementary school I had just graduated from. I couldn't tell anyone about either one of them. Or anything else, for that matter - important things that adults should know about a day in the life of a child. I certainly told my Mother when a boy hit me in first grade, and she said he did that because he liked me - so I could not tell her any time an inappropriate thing happened with anyone, because Daddy hit her, and sometimes it seemed like he liked her, too. And he must have really loved me - they way he hit me, too.

The best part of a summer with Aunt Calla Lily was that she was a gentle being. I LOVED HER DEARLY. For three whole months, I was not yelled at, put down, or hit by anyone. My most memorable Summer Vacation and she was one of my favorite people on the planet.

There are Dogs everywhere, and sometimes you only have to be trying to get home from another State or grade school, to get the fleas on you . . .

Bye Ya'll

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX