Domestic Violet

There is never a good day . . .

 

to lose someone

you love

never a righteous time

to let go

not a better week than another to

have to show up at

 a hospital or

funeral home

to look around

and see everything and everyone

gone

is a horror I wish on

no one

but

as current world events

are madness melting down

I am glad I reached out recently

to people from my past

reconnected to those I love so much

favorite folks

some not seen in 40 years

and at the rate things

deteriorate

may never see again 

 

in this plane of existence

so

I’ll leave you with this …

there is a HIGHER Power

an Ultimate Authority

wrapping love and light around us

and when we all get back HOME

there’s gonna be a

PARTY!!!

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

31 years later . . .

 

. . . yesterday was

one anniversary

I forgot

completely spaced it out

until

a video caught my eye today

of Mt. St. Helen’s

blowing up

and I recalled that May 18, 1980 day clearly

after getting married the day before

with lots of friends and family present

and lots of booze and gifts and acoustic guitar music

and the ever-present marijuana which

he of course had to light up right outside the church

but no honeymoon cuz

he was too cheap and

no wedding ring

cuz he was too cheap so

I accommodated his tight-wad streak by agreeing to

take my own ring off my right hand

so Mr. Miserly could slip it on my left hand for the ceremony

while he promised to buy one for me later but

that never happened

and I should have known

when the west coast mountain exploded

leaving ash on the streets and cars

way the hell over here on the east side of the Rockies

that our marriage was going to be as tumultuous

and it was and was

OVER

in less than 7 years but not before

three (3) little boys were born in less than 40 months

and I was by then

tired and worn

and did not realize the enormity of the fact that

he was just NOT THAT INTO

ME . . .

but I was reminded today!

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

Men seeking Women . . .

 . . . on what's his name's LIST -

Clive or Clint or Reg or Claude

or Greg or something like that -

you all know him and his many categories

and it's cheap entertainment

if you're not looking for  

anything but laughs 

but

cohesive phrasing and

a semblence of spelling might be some criterion if

someone were seriously seeking  -

do you need a vaction friend ? . . .

jumps out at my etymology as I scroll by

and Curious of love . . . catches me

momentarily

reminiscing when I used to be but

curiousity OF__ killed the cat

so to speak and on to the next

Hey you!  . . . ah yeah and hey to you too  

moving down the

list

as College Pimp  starts the first chuckling

under my breath

right before GOOD LOOKING GUY LOOKING FOR GOOD LOOKING GIRL . . .

unhuh of course you are when you're only 22

followed by . . . 100% REAL and looking for You . . . oh yeah and me too

and then next one asked . . . Do You Watch ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT? . . .

giggle

and I guess this is the new 33

(and oh to be thirty something again) ?!?!   Uh No!

And then IM BOUT TO EFF YOU UP WITH SOME TRUTH . . .

takes me right over the edge

ROTFLMAO !!!!!!!!!!!

I don't have to watch any TV

searching for my favorite sit-com re-runs

when reading whats-his-name's list 

for fun !!!!

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When we were . . .

 

. . . small

before we knew the eventual nature of any

mutual disdain

back when it was simply whether one had the other’s toy

or who got the square “girl” side of the sandwich

cut in half

or who got the round side

we called “boy”

when it was just we two

and the others had not arrived

yet

my little sister and I played a game

as we walked the floor of each room

as if we were on the ceiling

stepping over the imaginary wall at doorways

pretending the rooms were

upside down

and sometimes I forget

that many years have passed since we have talked

when I think of us

hopping over the invisible line

and I laugh

remembering when we were

friends . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

 

I am . . .

. . . the scapegoat

for all my family

( just a bit of research into the mechanics of

the alcoholic family will verify this )

members of a seriously dysfunctional

tree

where branches of ignorance appear

in Vogue

driving Lincolns and expensive

SUV’s

with upscale addresses

which

insulate the tree from all its

problems

like rotting judgement

and moldy hatred

and the pests domestic violence and

alcoholism

and it’s oh so easy when

there’s one

who was/is    the place where all eyes turn to take

heat off themselves

to make good

their fantasy world

to say the “trouble”

was/is            not

them

and rejection

began 

when I was young

shunning ensued

and still goes on

among none who have room

to say a word

but

mentioning              out loud

what the reality of the tree might be

is what got me shunned

in the first place

long ago

running

from

the insanity

only to “RISE TO”

the assigned role

as a result

silly

sick me

coming from the diseased tree

but

expected to be

PERFECT or some shit

like they still think they are

and will continue to

as long as they can look

at me

and find something wrong

so they avert their eyes

and poo-poo

my recovery from

alcoholism and domestic violence

all behind my broken back and behind the scenes

but what they don’t know

is that I have abdicated position

long ago

and CLEARLY SEE

all they think is hidden

and what I have for them ALL is

the utmost

pity . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

To you know who . . .

. . . I have discovered

thanks to you

that apparently I’m not

old enough

to know how old

I am

and I must lack the maturity required

to know what condition my condition’s

in

chastised

patronized

condescended to

snipped at

swiped at

set up to break  

ever-changing

invisible rules

but

thanks so much for the

protection

the judgement and

insurrection

betrayal

and back-biting bull

and thanks again for

taking from me

my rightful role

and I can’t say enough about your selfish little huff

where you display that

it is you who is

a touchy bit of fluff

and kudos to your

warped perspective

as if your  vantage point of

MY LIFE

were the only truth

and if you weren’t so insecure

jealous

sick and

cruel

I might believe it

too ……..

Domestic Violet  (Oh and by the way, you're DONE!)

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

The first smile.....

:) ….

of the day

cracks my face

lined and crushed by

sleep

deep

muscles tied up from

dreaming

it hurts

that first

pull

of lips across my teeth

but

smile I must

at each new morn

grateful for

another 24

wiser and more willing than

the day before

to rotate my ankles

as my feet touch the floor …..

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

If I write . . .

 

 . . . nothing but

a buncha airy fairy

foo - foo shit

then I’m lying and everyone knows it

but

how scary the truth is

and how scared most folks are

so much so that when the reality

of  our/my  human experience is

expressed

we/you  run away and try to suppress those who

say it out loud

accusing  us/them/me  of being

TOO NEGATIVE!

HA - compared to what?

YOU?

And your milk-toast lack of roller-coaster life?

That’s funny too

at least we all get to laugh

without your (only if this is you!) fearful

permission!

Especially here

where the opinions of the world are not factored into

my word choice

no I am only concerned about YOU showing up

and so receptive you must be that graphs and charts are

bobbing up and down and

shaking all around

from your presence!

COOL!!!!!

Keep coming back ……

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

On the lighter side . . .

 

 . . of life

and its messiness

there is hope –

a beacon at the end of

tunnels

sometimes

carried by

trains trying to

run us over

at high rates of speed

Get off the tracks Please !

Let it pass

and laugh at your

notion of

invincibility

giggle and chuckle when

you find yourself

paralyzed by

your ego

after all

the pesky thing

has a job

a purpose beyond our mistaken notion that ego exists

simply to gaze at its own reflection

NO - it is more interested in

maintaining status quo

actually designed to identify the identifier

and partially for the purpose of

keeping order in the world

but

sometimes gets stuck

and won’t let go -

an unwilling participant in life’s forward flow

so

we stay stupid

and drunk

and hang out for

more

so just give a good belly laugh

when you

step off

the tracks

and put on your glasses

next time you see light

and pay close attention if it’s

coming too fast . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

wHat do I HaveTo LOSe ...

... by

being honest with you ?

Do I have your similar understanding of

life

love compassion

children who number more than

you?

Do you know of biology

astrology

extra-sensory spirituality?

No?

Or maybe so?

Do I have your empathy

respect or acknowlegment as

a fellow human

being?

Do I

owe you something

that you don't owe me

too?

If you object to

my disclosure

please keep in mind

I am simply a mirror

for/of you

and might just say

that which you

are too afraid to

but

I will never be

as cold

as some of you

who punish in your

punitive way

all that threatens the limited view ................

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

 

Get your shit . . .

TOGETHER

they said

suggested

demanded

commanded

as if they knew what

"together"  meant

and this they crowed

from the comfort of

their uncomfortable zones

but never did it occur

that shit may come in all

flavors and

having it compiled is what made me

move more slowly now

while most with racing heart rates are not running

away

but

as a matter of course

while I stress to not stress and try to

stay

alive

but Get IT together for heaven's sake

and walk and talk

this way

for then we'll recognize you as

one of the throngs

singing familiar songs

and we then will not fear you

for walking like an Egyptian

yes try to

gather IT up will you ?

and we'll let you know when you have

measured up

cuz we've got it

goin' on . . . . . . . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

Everything you don't want to know . . .

is all I have to

say

and if you don't want to know

then look away

but you must be

curious

or you would be staring at your hands

or typing in some other url

instead of reading this

so here goes with everything you're in denial of

maybe perhaps

so do ya know that

without even abusing them

140,000 people die each year

from taking pharmaceuticals as prescribed

and did ya know that when I sleep sometimes I'm flying

and find you there when I come in for a landing

but you don't know me

just like when I'm

awake

and even though I'm not supposed to

sometimes I have cake

and eat it too

girlfriend

and a man comes by

now and then

just to remind me why

I am single

again

and someone's Mother

called last night

to tell me she has great respect for the positive

influence

I have been in

her daughter's life

and it means that something worthwhile

has come from my years at this

address

so I can go

to my next destination

like ramblin' rose

with no regrets

but did ya know I have only one

so far

and that is for not retaining a really good lawyer

a long time ago

but the law can't help ya when

your uppity thyroid's

got ya down

so give a try to some

Iodine

cuz the seaweed eating countries

don't even know what I'm talking about

nor do they have a word for

PMS and they also don't have Menopausal Maniacs

running around

but they are however

inscrutable

which you may or may not know

something about

and oh by the way

you are lying when you say

that I touched "your happiness"

in any wrong way

but it's something you say

so I won't be better than you

when in scientific terms

we all equal the same

only $18.76 in chemicals we are

yes me

yes you too

and do ya know you can wake up your

pineal gland

by holding your tongue between your teeth and

making a "toe" sound breathing out real slow

until it vibrates just right and then you

might get some sleep

at night

just for your FYI and also then

you might want to

espy

the chem-trails in the the sky

and quit telling yourself there's a lot of action at

the airport nearby

and get real that the

Powers That Be

need for some of us to die

so they're dropping strontium and barium and morgellons

on ya and yours and everyone who isn't yours too

but I'll bet you didn't know

that laying down for that kinda crap

isn't something I do

so you can if you want to

and you can keep your strongyloides and f. buski's too

but I don't want 'em

any more than I want to drink

unfiltered  city water

 or cow's milk for that matter

cuz the last time I looked I have only two udders

like my mudder

and if you are blessed with some time

at your mudder's udders then you

may have a fairly healthy life

and if not you can have

allergies and asthma and migraine's all your life

and then be surrounded by idiots

who expect you to live like everything's

alright

and with all of this in play

you'll have Candida someday

and if you keep taking penicillin made from MOLD

it will happen for sure

so remember I tried to tell ya

right here

and when you have symptoms unclear

check out c. albicans for sure

and especially check it out if you

eat/crave a lot of sugar

sugar

but if you didn't want to know

that you as a human being

generate 7-10 pounds of garbage per day

then don't read any further

or if you're tucked in at home you can

turn to one in your clan and

bitch and moan again

about what D.Violet has to say today

but never bother checking your

reflect

like a narcissistic democrat

or maybe you're just a

brat........

I'm just sayin' ~~~~~

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

To the children . . .

. . . younger than

me -

those I have seen come to this life

after me

born since '53 ~

To the children

who watch their

family

living

aging

dying ~

To the children

with bereftness

of political correctness

this is Mom Vi

and it's been hard to

watch you walk around

without feeling it when you fall

down

but I picked up many of you so far

and dusted quite a few off

set you on your feet again

knowing

what you would have to go through

knowing there was nothing I could do

to shield you from

life

to protect you from you

and your need to

have your own

experience

as we all do

and how do you like me now

after I taught you how?

Some instructed directly

correctly

and some by

default

learning that everything worthwhile

is earned the hard way

but

the things you think are useless

I can't understand

so perhaps you've not yet been

where I've come from

and not yet found

your greatest path in the journey

where authentic strength is born of adversity

and greater than love

is mercy

and I have to turn away

when you stumble

and can't lend a hand when you

tumble

from your inflexible pedestal

when mortality tipped you over

and you thought it was my presence

or absence

but certainly not your own

ignorance

and please don't confuse that with stupidity

but I know you will

until you climb the hell hill of

gut level

honesty

and swan dive from the apex

into the personal responsibility

pool

the one all about you

where you can no longer blame

me . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

 

She searches the air . . .

 . . . with her eyes

for 

words

almost emitting

sound

from her

mind

a non-local entity

taking time to

find

sincerity she hopes

succintly

incongruous congruity

in the annuity

anonymously attempting to tell

truth-tales in hopes of salving

the slippery slope she slides down in

dare-devil pose

and I watch her eyes

closely each time

and then put on my glasses

if I really want to know . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

Sane Employer Wanted . . .

~ able to pass a drug screen???

~ able to show up for management duties without a hangover

  and get through the day without a drink or will the wine bottle appear 

  at 2:30

  like my last boss???

~ aware of your employees as being human and

  having needs for hot running water in bathrooms with toilet paper and

  break areas that actually have chairs and even tables and are the

  fire exit doors not cluttered with your file cabinets - etc.???

~ does your triple digit credit score start with the number 7???

~ can you pass a criminal background check???

~ do you know you get what you pay for and therefore will not be insulting me

  with offers of a 5-spot and a coupla 1's every hour on the hour???

~ is your business lucrative enough to pay me without whining and

  without paychecks bouncing???

~ can you be incorrect???

~ are you seeing that Mind Reading 101 is not on my resume???

~ do you actually read resumes???

~ can you actually read???

~ what is the reason the job is open as in what happened to the last employee???

~ where and when did you graduate from elementary school???

~ what is your grandmother's maiden name???

~ why would I want to work for you???

~ how many dependents do you claim on your taxes???

~ your references please???

If you can jump through all these hoops to my satisfaction then

perhaps I may want to work for you!

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

Near death again . . .

again -

recently

and

this time     I was not

caught unaware

ambushed or

blind - sided

sucker - punched

or in the wrong place at the wrong time

not when      the possibility

slowly developing

has been revealed and is somewhat a result of

years of stress and trying

to stay alive

and

THIS TIME it's not at the hands of a

man

and some things can go on and on for

years

unnoticed

especially in the chaos of  Domestic Violence and

break-ups and divorces

and

SURVIVING

up to now

against all odds

but

I don't think it is my time to go

yet -

God/Goddess is not ready for me

any time soon

so I think I'll give G/G

about thirty more years

to prepare for one such as me

to return to

the source

or better yet I'll live to be

100

just to piss some people

off . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

When comparing . . .

our worst

with the best of everyone -

a typical and oh so human

tendency -

don't we always come up

short and

not smelling very

rosy?

Mostly we're just

nosy

and unable to focus on our own

page

in the elementary life school

and yes      most of us have taken time

to travel the rocky course

not watching where we're

going

and some have turned the

comparison journey

into sport

unless

one is

delusional

having no worst

no error or flaw

with self-appointed judgy duties

jury never out

in conscienceless executioner style

possessing

an abyss

where

all their

stuff

falls

and

EEEeeuuuww

to think I

compared myself

to you

and starved to wear your

size 4 and 2

and rearranged myself

extensively

in varieties of ways

to be

other than

me

while changing clothes

and hair and face

and addresses

employ

and marital status

frequently

but

the education acquired

and required

along the days

can be compared to

nothing else

and its reward

continues to

unfold

where warts and all

I'm okay and

you are too

unless you're really

stupid and rude

and as I trekked

the happy destiny road

I encountered the authentic power

of the Universe

while you were perhaps still

preoccupied

with your wardrobe and filling your

purse

but this

encounter with

power

was not the religiously organized one

you might be thinking of

although I did try

finding faith hope and solace

in the one you believe and

the one you disbelieve too

but neither of those worked so

no bowing at the Pope's feet

or denial

for me

and no makeup most days and not much

hairspray too

and there's no need to think about me

in terms of

you

since apples and oranges are

simply only food or fruit

and not the sum of

the differences in

their seeds and skins and

roots

or needs for rain and

nitrogen

both powered by the

same

magnificent

sun . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

A guy I knew once . . .

and spent some time with

could be followed from

sun up to

days end and

not a word of truth

fell from his lips

routinely

and then there was the fact

he thought he had to put a spin on everything

for God knows what reason

and how much and

about what

and there he was again

lying when

the

truth

would work

and he was even willing to do this

in front of me

who knew the truth in

all

and that was some

audacity

that he

mistook

my silent

awe

perhaps thought I did not

notice or

maybe would not

mind

silly boy

and so he's

history

but I'm sure he's somewhere

telling his version of

the bitch who  ____________ and

_________ and  ____________

______ ________ . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

Scribing and describing . . .

suddenly

stopping

at the sink

where there is

now

a damp kitchen towel

under the clipboard

illuminated by the

too-small

window

that looks at a fence

with a

pit bull

on the other side

barking

again and I talk to calm the dog

while

writing

at the sink 

where hands and

bubbles and

soothing warm water

creates

serenity

sometimes

but now

I'm just trying to

get some

light

while the

sun

goes

down

and I can't sit down

can't land

until pen meets pulp

again

       wherever

and such is the color of

inspiration

passion

creation

doing and being

some of what

some of us were created to do

and be

in the economy of

11x14 paper and with a great sleek wooden

pen

built by my grandson

who has interest in Earth's wondrous

geology

like me

and his scribing tendency similarly means he

one day may tell his story too

looking at a barking fence

with damp terry beneath the

unlined paper

and plenty of ink flowing

from a fine writing instrument

while the fading sun

sings the blues

and he won't care either

when or where

if visited by

the muse

and may he find his

bliss

in this or whatever he

endeavors

as life passes in a blink

but mostly may he find

serenity

in the

sink . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

The best part of a man . . .

already taken

by a

woman -

as in

already

going

steady

living with

engaged and/or

married

to another woman

I really appreciate

because

she has to

deal with his bullshit

and she

has to

sex

him -

not me and I just get to

talk

to him -

free of need -

and of course she thinks

I want him !!!

FOR ???

And of course she

thinks I want to _______ him -

evidence of her

mentality

insecurity

junk

which I also don't have to

put up with

so

a conversation

with an unavailable man

is like a free lunch

with tip included -

and even when he displays

classic

chauvinist

attitude

( most men will )

in polite everyday conversation

I don't have to

do

or say anything but

" oh "

from a neutral position

and know

once again

why

I'm

single

although sometimes I may

challenge

his erroneous thinking -

challenge his M.O.

and go to bat for

her -

whoever she is -

for all WOMEN -

tax his mind about

relationshipping

pro-actively

assertively

factually

which he may see as

strident

stringent

feminist

aggressive

but

if his woman is nearby and

happens upon

me in conversation with her man

she may join us with

snarky

reply

complete with the

evil

eye -

certain she is that

" some woman "  

is trying to

steal her guy -

and why would I

want

a guy who is

with

a woman like this ??? . . . ?

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

Where were all those people ??? . . .

. . . . . the question of the month -

more on M.J. -

my own words

heard  'round the world  -

my own question

when my husband was dying of

CANCER

and his family members

showed up

out of nowhere

and tried to

take over

pushing me aside -

his bride was

NOTHING

no one

inconsequential

suddenly

and his pride

reduced by

the only WOMAN

in the world

capable

of dropping him to

his knees

like a sniveling child -

yes his MOTHER

doubled her

emotional fists

and insisted

he go straight to her house

from 14 days in the hospital

to recoup from open-chest

surgery

and she did not seem to care that

he wanted

his home

his bed

his wife

nearby

and so to be a good

daughter-in-law

I told him to . . .     " go to her

and let her care for you

while still she can -

be a good son and

make the old girl happy " -

and so he did

but

three days later he called and said -

" I have to come home please -

I can't get any rest here -

they hold a prayer vigil around the clock -

around the bed and every time I wake up

there is a  new group of  strangers 

chanting and praying and

staring at me " !!!!!!

OKAY I said  " but YOU will have to tell her - not me  " !!!

And the whole family was really pissed off

by the time several trucks rolled up

to pick up

varieties of medical equipment and

a hospital bed and

six huge oxygen tanks

and I took my husband home

where he wanted to be

and these people

I barely know

( cuz where had they been for the previous several years ???  )

made it all about me being the

bad guy somehow

while their son brother uncle father

was dying of CANCER -

you know the kind -

folks who drive from another city

right past his house

to visit another son brother uncle

like he wasn't there -

for years -

and I still want to know

where they were all that time

and who they thought they were

eight years after

he died

and why I am surrounded by

stupidity

most of the time

and did they swoop down like vultures too

when Michael Jackson died -

did his family show up out of nowhere

or were they

in touch

the day before ?

Funny how folks don't care

until it's too late

sometimes . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

 

 

 

So . . .

clearly

she merely

memorized

the color of his

eyes

watching her

from the

trees

peaks

clouds

like doubt

with her always

always

around

so

unlike the

sound

of his whisper

unheard

too many years

now

however

his laughter

chimes

rhymes

lines her

heart where the holes

are

so long

the days go

ever

slowly

holy

humbling

stumbling toward

hell

no

so

hello

instead

again she lifts her chin

like he had when she was

sad

and let the tears

fears

years

roll in his

warm hand

soul band

best

man

so how could she

know

he would go

so

slow

reaching

low 

and get a handful

      twisting

ripping       

   dragging

snagging

her heart so

on the way

out  . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

blah . . .

blah blah

blah blah blah blah

blah blah blah

blah blah

yada yada yada

ya know ya know and ya know

ya know

on and on and thus and so and so and

so and so

and

SO ??????????????????

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

 

Who gets it . . .

the first time ?

Who always makes the

mark ?

Who never stumbles -

never trips and

never falls

down ?

And who has never walked into

a wall ?

Okay all you perfect people -

line up !!!

C'mon - you know

who you are !

And so do the rest of us -

we can see you

from afar . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

It is easy to get . . .

into trouble

in this world -

I was thinkin' -

when the Nuggets and the Lakers

went to

basketball war

last night

as a sports aficionado

escorted me around

the various

players

from both teams ( I am a brand new BIRD MAN fan ! )

with a running commentary

about some of their athletic prowess and

their personal

histories -

so with his 85 year old father

we sat in front of a big screen

while it rained outside

and he updated me

with reminiscing Kobe Bryant's

sexual notoriety -

" He got into trouble "  he said

and  " no one can stop him  - he is so good

they let him OFF and let him play

anyway "  ( BIG bucks ! )

I understood this

elucidation

better than he could ever know

so I replied -

" NO ONE is that good and what every player

should know is that there is

always

someone better coming right behind them " -

and about halfway through the game

as Denver had a healthy lead

I said out loud  -

" you better keep it Denver !!! " -

much to the surprise of the sports enthusiasts at my side -

" and my Daddy was a basketball player

until he died " -

I explained

" and I know HOW to watch basketball

like I know my own name -

so there's no need to explain to me

what happens when they step over

this or that line " -

and just what neither male wanted to hear

was that THE GIRL

might know a thing or two -

and that to HER it's just a

GAME

as they were both in a

mood

when

the Nuggets lost to

the Lakers !

And I thought about how easy it is to

get into trouble in this world

when some folks do their whole life like it's a

basketball game -

every interaction full of

competition -

with penalties every step of the way

and the Lakers philosophy of

" never get behind "

is lifestyle for people that I know

but we don't get along

because to me

LIFE

is not a game

at all . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

I write . . .

 . . . or may even

speak

in words

maddening

to others perhaps -

who are equally

vexing to

me

but

angry

I'm not -

oh I can get bent -

experience

irritation

disappointment

heartbreak and

become

incensed

but

anger would be

usually

inappropriate to whatever the

situation

these days -

although one more round of

vehicular mechanical

failure

is enough to put me there -

perhaps prematurely -

for won't a repair help me

ultimately

dependably

get where I want to go ???

Sooooooooo -

Anger = Victim

and

Victim = Weakness and therefore

Anger = Weakness

Logic 101

as Dr Phil clarified for the fatties on his show today

and I happen to know

that anger

weakens

all who feel its flames ( precisely the purpose from the reptilian mind )

and

destroys firstly its container

and since I am journeying on the path of

NO MORE -

bad drugs and/or

brain damage

no more -

BIG deals

and no Trauma-Boy drama -

I tend to not be in such a

self-effacing mode as

days of yore

and find that taking real ownership of

one's life

means being where you're at

when you're

there

and giving a care

and asking the face in your mirror about what is

best for you and what to

do

and getting help if you

must

and finding the economy of

NOW

is a plus -

and right now

water

is pouring in the front windows

of the charming old house I live in

and I can't even get mad -

this time

so

please know -

I can be hurt

disheveled

and chagrined

inconvenienced and

offended

and you may disagree

with my clarity

and honesty about tragedy/comedy

LIFE

and you may think

what I'm sayin'

isn't  

right

but I stopped being any kind of

VICTIM

when I started writing Domestic Violet . . . . . . . . . . .

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

The worst of . . .

what men do -

I have seen

too many -

they showed me -

me

a girl who would not have

only

one man

for all of life -

what then would there be

to write ?

Were it not for

contrast

darkness would be light

and I can say as well

I have seen

heaven

with a Gentleman -

chivalry alive and well

and 

have seen

incredible

MEAN

and some Men

have taken me

to HELL

but

not without my

permission

in most situations

with the grave exceptions

of RAPE and DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ~

I can't help but notice

the World is a

MESS

nor can I ignore

the fact that

MEN

are in charge

STILL

and haven't done

such a bang-up job of

running the place

up to now !

Sorry ya know -

I would like to -

along with you -

have something

EXCELLENT ( arete': Greek for striving for excellence in all things )

to report

but

as long as

the Feminine vibration

is denied

the place will be

a wreck -

a jumbled

wad

that we all know and love

so

without LOVE

where would you be

NOW ?

Yes YOU !

( Can you see the little birdies

and hear the violins in the

background ? )

I can think of many places

I could have been

and could be  -

were it not for the

sheer

animal magnetism

that makes the world

go 'round -

irresistable

perennial

predictable

greatest POWER

known

a.k.a.

LOVE/LUST

depending on where you are

coming from

and where I came from was

Catholic

country - where your hand will fall off for the exploration of one's

own person or some shit like that -

but

I wasn't one

and my parents

in contrast -

were openly

passionate

when they were not busy

fighting ~

" FOREPLAY " - said the bartender Sami

who decided

that I could reside

on my  bar stool

at her place of employ

while my husband

with a restraining order

could go across the street

and belly up with

the boys - neither of us allowed to

cross the street for a year and

" Foreplay " - she said of our ongoing

battle

" and that's that  " - she insisted

and for many years

I resisted that simple notion

but

like in the jungle

aggression

precedes mating

and is naturally found during

conflict

resolution

in the animal kingdom

from whence

WE'VE sprung

and some of the

MALE ones of US

have got the bad habit

of fucking up  WOMEN

for fun

or some nameless

lameness -

evidence of their

cowardice and

but

of course -

reducing

themselves

with every act which diminishes

others

and so

NOW

WE have a

diminishing

world -

imagine that !!!

And the Women were not allowed

much involvement in

much

and the Men have made a

mess that the Women will have to clean up -

as usual

and the problem I still have with Men

happens when I say it

out loud

and some Women don't want to

think about it

either -

having been indoctrinated well along the way

but

Oh well !

I'm not saying Men have not done

a thing right -

just that the state of the PLACE

did not get this way

overnight -

and not with very many Women in sight

and I don't care what the

career is -

or that we were "given" a  VOTE -

or if a Woman is Secretary of State or

wears a Judges robes -

we have been largely

choked off

from real participation

by patriarchal dominance

and the girls are still not

equal to the boys

and until the disparity is

leveled -

boys and girls -

WOMEN will be battered and murdered

and WE will have

WARS . . .

Domestic Violet

arete'

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

The truth . . .

would

rock your

world -

just in case you are thinking

I talk too much now -

please remember there is always more to be revealed

and you may be the last to

know -

for example it may surprise you to

be told the things I know

and it may break your

heart -

so

I keep -

behind my sternum

in the heart realm where all safety is found -

I hold

the worst deal braking shit you could ever

imagine and

you

may well never know . . .

however

I don't mind saying that I'm aware of your sneaky snaking

and I have no problem with generally

conveying

my experience -

what it was like -

what happened and

what it looks like

now

but WOW -

if I said         EVERYTHING

I'm afraid it would

knock you

out . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

 

My experience . . .

unlike my opinion

cannot be

argued

with anyone -

no one can say

but me

what has happened

to me -

and anyone who

would attempt to

re-write the script

has something to

hide

in their part of

it -

and my experience is what

prompts me to

document

and if you don't want to

say what your life has been -

that's alright

but

I do !

And never will I

debate

my experience

or even the color of my

shoe

with you -

regarding the nature of any situation

prior the experience of

NOW -

not when your

version

of reality

is yours

alone

and you're one of 8 billion or so

on the planet at this time -

so perhaps when you can be at-one with your

perspective

and stop defending -

you'll realize each one of us

is in the bubble of

our own personally personal

PC -

and you may say it was

blue

while I saw

some shade of green -

and so . . . ???

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

 

With Domestic Violence . . .

annihilation

comes -

of all things good -

clean -

right -

and preciousness is

lost !

One

of every four

females

will know -

in her lifetime -

the pain of

battery

and betrayal

but

a punch in the eye

is not

required

to be harmed

by the insidious

family dynamic

of Domestic Violence !!!

The family I speak of

is in both

immediate kin

and then

the larger collection

of thought and

reflection

of the children of God/Goddess

above -

and a whole bunch of

G/G's babies still think it's fun to

hit

another one of

G/G's kids

and I'm sure

the God/Goddess

had something else in mind

when we were given

hands -

and I know

we were built with

hearts

for a reason

but our

minds change

with the seasons

and I say

our thinking needs to

sway

to a place where

VIOLENCE

is not the first thing

that comes to us

as a way to solve a problem -

and I say

the heart

is where we can find

the only solution

to anything

anyway -

and if you

dislike

what I say

then please do stop

reading !

This forum is for

those who

can relate to

all things Domestic and

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

too -

so if you park here

only to

critique

I can guarantee

your denial will

catch up with you

and this is STILL

America -

where we are free to

speak !

And you probably

want to

hit me

for speaking the truth

out loud

and that's  precisely

what I'm talking about

so freely -

while your

ego

tries to

silence me . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

You look like . . .

a New York accent - he told me

and proceeded to make fun of

my Mid-western

inflection -

still present sometimes

after 30 years

elsewhere -

where you hear NO ACCENT

from the natives and he was definitely not one and no surprise

he was from California !!!

I tried for a day or two

to communicate with his West coast attitude

and found it not worthwhile -

not when his contrary Leo side tried to

take charge and although he did defend women in a sense

when he said - " Women are to be commended - they have been

willing to

drag their balls through glass

to get the job of nurturing the planet

done " !!!                YES

( Just about the time I think I've heard everything from everyone ! )

He then became in two short days -

argumentative

minimizing

controlling

immature

and when I went to see him/this

with my own eyes 

( I am soooo tired of seeing it and always hope for

something new ! )

he offered a bite to eat and then followed me into the bathroom 

to watch me brush my teeth !!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I

of course

left without a word immediately

and have nothing to say

further

to one who would probably go through my house

when I'm not home -

if he knew my address -

and this is why he does not and this

is why I have not been with a man in years

and it gets really stupid when it gets stupid with those in my

age group -

when they act like little boys ( my youngest is 23 years old )

and I don't want to

raise a grown??? man

and would rather be home

alone - free to

come and go

and not be subject to

the male insecurity at middle age or any age and whatever game

this one is playing -

when he managed to say every negative name

ever assigned to women throughout history -

without referring to ME personally -

in our last conversation

and I guess he thought that should be

okay

but I mentioned the discrepancy

in his previous sentiment

and he became

irritated

so I asked -

" What happened to the 'balls through glass'  stuff

you were saying ?    Sounds like you are somewhat

confused !!!   

And if you are filled with misogynistic   ( look it up )

tendencies -

I'm sure I'll get messed up and

used and abused !    

Is there some reason I should want to continue

talking to you " ???

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

 

 

 

When you're old enough . . .

you may

learn a thing or two -

perhaps from the

experience of others -

gleaning from their

trials and errors

what pitfalls to

avoid

but

until then you may stay

within

the shelter of your existence -

coloring inside the lines of

safety -

where personal growth is

impossible in the void -

no real world enters in

so sure you are

of your knowledge up to now -

whenever now may be !

But eventually

the cocoon breaks open

and will you fly or flee ?

Will you become all that

you were meant to be

or follow lemmings

off cliff-sides -

the ones who are so sure

too ? - the ones who judge you by

your ride !

In the meantime you could

try your hand at something new

some empathy and compassion -

by taking a moment

to imagine

what life would be like for

you -

if you had been born on a different day

to some other father and mother -

if you were a middle child lets say

and never had a

brother -

if you spoke a different language

and your eyes were some shade of blue -

if your portfolio of life so far

included things not so comfortable for you -

like REAL poverty and polio -

malaria and

scurvy -

if you never had a mother's love

and didn't know who your father was

and were never sent to school -

if no one made sure you had food and clean clothes

you might not be so

nervy

as to think you know best

in each event

what another person needs or

should do !

But curled up on your

cowhide

while someone's looking after you -

you cannot even fathom

from the immature chasm

you willingly set into motion -

that there's no turning back

once you've dug the first trench

with your fear and

manipulative moves -

so sure you've become when laying

judgment upon

those outside the Stepfordly lines

that your M.O. is best but

wait til it's tested

and it's circling back home to

you . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

My favorite word is . . .

FUCK -

and most recently

FUCKER -

which nicely

separates the business of

Fucking

from the FUCKER

who fucked me

up !

And soap has washed

a thousand mouths

for the careless use of

this one !

But I don't care and

I like to

swear

and I won't say

Fucker

if you won't

be one !!!

But ZEN is

calling

and soon I'm

falling

into prayer and

meditation

mediation

intercession for the

poor little FUCKERS -

so pathetic and pititful

I can only feel

sorry

for them

and have too much

heart

to say FUCK OFF! too soon -

but  Fuck you!  is always not far off

when Sarcastica enters the room

and brings the    list with

FUCK That !  and this and THIS

and every other fucking thing too !

And the road to Zen

is beyond the

glen

but you can only get there

by traveling

sincerely

and that's the fucking

truth . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

I woke up . . .

at 4:40 -

had to pee -

I woke up at 5:20 again

to the sound of someone crying

and it was me -

and I was startled by the primal pitch

that ripped from deep within

so I stopped the sound -

on a dime -

like I was taught to early on

and looked at the clock for the time

hoping I did not wake the neighbors

as I have learned to all along -

put FIRST the needs of others and

ANYTIME I have tried to consider  myself

I have been told that I AM WRONG !!!

I don't know what makes LIFE

such a decidedly different experience for some

but I have a perspective quite unique

unlike those who pause only to critique

and make sure I understand at every turn

that THEY are the ones who have earned the right to

all graces and

who the hell do I think I am 

that I should matter at all !

GET BACK IN LINE DOMESTIC VIOLET and

stop that crying or we'll give you something

to cry about !

We will beat you up and rape you and call you names

and throw you out !

And if you don't like it - OH WELL - and if you tell anyone

we'll call you a snitch and who the hell are YOU anyway -

you sniveling bitch !!!!!!??????????

(Just a little LOVE song from some people who "loved me"

 playing in the background !)

It's become quite clear that there are people running around

with less humanity than me and I have been subject to

their cruelty since I was about 3 -

and Evil comes sometimes

with smiling and benevolent faces -

so says the Bible in its prophetic places -

and MERCY occurs only when the cruelty stops for awhile

or perhaps when I need a tissue and there's a box

within reach for a change !

Oh c'mon - it can't be that bad - what's wrong with you

and how come life isn't like this for ME ??? -

I am asked by those on a comparison journey -

the ones who need to keep

correcting me -

so sure they are in their lack of empathy and

maybe that's the problem with being

an EMPATHIC EXTRA-SENSORY INTUITIVE like me -

I'm not running on the same grid as some of you !

I feel everything extremely accutely - and

ACCURATELY too -

like what's happening to the whole world right now and

when storms are coming and even occasionally volcanic eruptions

halfway 'round the world -

and sometimes I have been "given" knowledge of who committed

high crimes -

but most importantly I "pick up on"

the emotions of those around me -

so strongly that for many years I couldn't get a hold of

MINE -

and it's especially hard to "know" the things I "know"

in a world of fearful superstition -

where all is assigned a place in our minds

like black or white

and wrong or right

and good or evil and

according to some belief systems

I must be in the hands of the DEVIL!

BUUUUWWAAAAAAAAAAHHHAHAhaa ha!!!!!

Because of course if YOU have never heard of IT -

then IT is aberrant  in your astute opinion and

of course we all know that HUMAN BEINGS were all created

in YOUR image and likeness - right ?????

If we are not all the SAME then some of us get called names -

and are looked at with

suspicion !!!

Ask those who are handicapped or gay

or those obviously not Caucasian or

those who are poverty stricken

and the ones

institutionalized as

mentally deranged !

Whatever your perspective I am thankful I can

FEEL

but have not always been grateful for the EXTENT

of the cosmic information sent

that I RECEIVE with ease but

apparently the SENDER

must trust in me !

And I sure would like a long hard cry

without noise ordinances and neighbors

on my mind

and I'll bet if I let myself

be directed by the "knowing"

I will find the place out of town somewhere

and won't even know where I'm going

until I get there !

You

should try it sometime !!!

Just get real and get QUIET and touch

the divine . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

SURVIVOR . . . from the VORTEX

 

 

 

 

 

 

There have been . . .

" a lot of

strange  people in your life " - an observation shared

the other day

and yes

that is to say I concur

for sure

some of them have been stranger

than others 

and to some I was just

the neighbor

next door or across or down the street

and some I tried to meet

befriend

and a couple have endured

over years

tears and

fears

while some found in family trees

have been the strangest  yet

and some I worked with

in varieties of capacities

were weirdos of the worst kind

forty hours a week

and some strange  ones dial my number and darken my threshhold

unsolicited

soliciting

strangeness

door to door

and some I met in

classrooms

bar rooms

in coffee shops and

on dance floors

and a really strange  one

found me in a

library

and I let him

take me home

when I was 24 - OH !

Anyway as I survey

there's strangeness

everywhere

and I guess it's a matter of perspective

and to/with what do you compare ?

One man's ceiling

is another man's floor

to everyone  out there

in the big wide world

diversified

by design

devoid of clonization presently

but give it time

meanwhile

if they're

" not like me "  is all I need to designate them strange  apparently ?

But how can this be

when to some I was

a wife who they promised to cherish for all of life

and then beat the shit out of me

and some strange  folks are sure

I'll bet

that I'm the strangest

they've ever met . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

55 years of helpful hints . . .

from

Domestic Violet !!!

Yep -

here goes ~

Freeze your candle holders and

the wax falls out -

use beeswax candles in your ears

and the wax falls out

( it will take more than once if you're really plugged up ! )

and it opens your sinus

giving better all-around

functioning

to your respiratory

system -

as it balances your

hearing ( What ? Huh ? )

and then you can

walk

in a straight line

once again and I won't have to keep

repeating myself !

Oil mixed with wax

is a slippery

proposition

but oil mixed with

spit

takes the toxins out with it

if you swish unrefined

Sunflower or Sesame or Coconut

for about 10 minutes

in the morning first thing -

or until it becomes white and thin -

rinsing well with sea salt water -

and the human animal

is not safe from

any living

thing

nor is any thing living

safe from

us -

therefore

keep your fingers out of your mouth

and your baby's pacifier as well

and keep your spirit guard

up -

not as defensive

reaction -

but more as a matter of course -

and of course you may

give thought and

reflection

to who walks upon

your porch -

and if your yard is

dark -

keep the Christmas lights on year round

and make sure the neighbors

know

that if they're off

something's wrong -

and a .38 never

hurts to have around -

but first you need to learn

how to use one -

taking aim at a

shooting range target -

preferably with

an NRA trainer on each side -

where a bulls-eye hit

can be viewed with pride

and one day may save your life -

unlike the dartist's

game -

but when you learn to walk with

dignity -

ammunition and opinion

formed without enough

information

are unnecessary -

cuz life is

hard enough

we all know -

with " OH  "

being the most powerful word

I know -

and it is good to know some

Espanol

and a bit of

Parles vouz

with a smattering of others -

but if it doesn't matter -

Machs Nix -

Oh well -

No mas

amour -

if your well has dried up

and you're shit out of

luck -

it is better to go

someplace where there is

water -

rather than making

waste

the time you've got

in a desert of fear and

ignorance -

and when you know you have

finally begun

growing up

your favorite Christmas will be the one

when you were snowed-in

with your 83 year-old Land Goddess

without your husband or family -

and when another Land God later in life

takes you so

for granted -

you will pull the weeds

anyway

someday -

unless you are really immature

and wouldn't pull one if it was

crawling under your door

because it's " not in your lease "

so you  " don't have to " -

and 20 Mule team Borax is really good for

getting rid of grease and stains in your

laundry -

and will transport from your newly-washed

clothing

through your

skin -

much-needed Boron to your body -

an element most of us are

missing -

while Grapefruit seed extract takes care of

microscopic life forms that

hang out on your

produce - ( fruits and vegetables ya nut ! )

which can end up in your out-of-balance

gut

( from blind faith in the AMA  and

our hideous American diet )

but

it would serve you well to

" look it up " -

as everything  " we don't want to know "  about

catches up with us

in the end -

and think about what shape YOU are in

when looking for a friend -

what are you bringing to

the party ?

After 55 years I'm convinced

that everything is

an " inside job "

so tell yourself  the

TRUTH -

and you might stand a chance at conveying

some sincerity

to those who deal with you -

so if you have allowed

ass-kissing

people-pleasing bullshit

and the MONEY MONGERS

to rule your life -

please know how much

I feel sorry for you !!!!!!!!!!!!

It is good to see

Bernard Madoff

taken down

but

what will the rest of us do ?

I think I'll get healthy and grow out my

hair

and continue to

care

and surround myself with people who

love me -

how 'bout you ?

And I'll continue to learn -

for it is why we are

born -

but maybe not

YOU -

if you guard yourself with

skeptical scorn

no new ideas can form

and you're stuck in a rut

( a grave with the ends kicked out ! )

but you're not alone -

parroting the acceptable

NORM -

where it's SAFE or

so you think -

but it's all sewn up in your

alibi systems -

where YOUR stuff never

stinks !

Pride comes before a fall

and I hope I'm dead and gone

when your nose hits the dirt !

Just a few things I have learned from

years of just trying to live in a world

of folks who say YES when they really mean NO

and bitch about it later -

a place where I was so accustomed to

protecting young children from the truth

after the big

DIVORCE -

that mine ended up being the only

feet held to the fire

and even if I spilled my guts -

I would be blamed for

 " picking him "

in the first place !!!!!!!!

So good luck to ALL

trying to live this  long

and have a drink

on me - ( I am seven years FREE )

and I'll help you along

any way that I can

with all that's left

of me -

and yes it is usually ME I'm talking about

and what I have experienced thus far -

rather than tout a bunch of stuff

I know nothing about. . .

Domestic Violet

( more helpful hints later ! )

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

 

 

 

She was my friend and . . .

she is still

my oldest one -

a string-bean now

as then -

" Fuck 'em all but six ! " - she told me

positively

earnestly

" And you only need

four -

if you're a light weight  -

and never mind the rest ! "

she said surely

certainly

wisely

when we were 16 -

as I told her

some people were

' MEAN ' -

yet I wanted them for

friends !?!

" No casket for me ! " - I replied

" It only takes

one -

to carry the urn -

the ashes I will

become -

and no I won't be viewed

by gross types who

will be overjoyed -

I'm sure -

fighting - even in a funeral home -

over the comb -

with their

arrogance -

needing to critique

and control

my unruly

dead hair -

and although I'll be

peacefully

gone from the earthsuit -

and won't care -

it would be wrong to

allow

even one last look -

one last opportunity

to ' fuck with me ' !!!!!!! " - I insisted

" Well I can understand that

but what about your children ? " -

she solemnly asked

" If I have children -

they will  know  me -

alive -

and they won't need to look at me

either !!!

They can pass me around

in a black granite jar -

taking turns

with the urn -

and take me home with them

where they can see me -

to remind them

I'll always be

theirs -

but

WAIT !!!

It's a future

unknown !!!

What if I don't have

children -

what if I grow old

alone ?

I would then need a friend -

so if you are around

when I die -

will you carry me

home ??? "

" Of course I will " - she giggled

" Just like you will come

and get me  -

but you are gonna  have children -

at least half a dozen

I'm sure !!!!!!! " - rolling her

knowing young eyes

"  . . . and if you lose a few

pounds first -

you will only need

four -

so let's go for 

a bike ride and I'll

race ya to the

door ! " . . . . . . ( 1969)

( She had one child and I had four )

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

 

 

The Best Life . . .

from Oprah Winfrey

this week -

and she tells the world -

" My body still works . . . and I am

grateful !!! "

In spite of all

abuses -

anything

EVERYTHING

out of balance !!!

And I can relate -

despite lifelong health issues

and the attendant

financial chaos -

lack of any real  help

from the A.M.A. -

along with lack of

understanding and the intolerance of

others -

my body still works !

And despite lifelong Domestic abuses -

( minus the last several years ! )

and the attendant broken body parts -

and financial crisis

and lack of

understanding from others -

my body still works -

despite gaining and losing

75 pounds - repeatedly

before I was 30 -

despite being plagued with

vicious unending migraines -

chronic asthma and

allergies of all kinds -

despite steroids

inhalers

nebulizers and oxygen -

pneumonia

over 35 times -

with over 3 dozen 

trips to the

hospital

in my lifetime -

and despite being given

ANTIBIOTICS

by the  " White Coats "

well over 100 times -

despite

ALL THAT -

I'm still

alive !!!!!!!

The brilliant DOCTORS

never bothered to look into the fat file

with my name on it

in their offices -

to find out

WHY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And why should they when

they CAPITALIZED

on my situation -

while helping me

to die !!!!!!!!

But then

there would not be so much

ILLNESS

if   " those in charge "

REALLY  looked for underlying

causes and conditions -

and then our INSANE

HEALTH CARE COSTS

would go away

and millions of people

could have a better day !

So my best life begins

each day -

with what is left of me -

and I ain't dead yet

and I only weigh 113

and never again

does a DOCTOR

get to touch me -

not when THEY fed a deadly

systemic Candida overgrowth

with EVERY prescribed

chemically derived

PHARMACEUTICAL

THEY gave me !!!!!!!!

Never again will I

surrender my will and

shirk my responsibility -

not when it is MY JOB

to heal

ME -

and EVERYTHING

we need to heal

ANYTHING

is provided by

Mother EARTH -

naturally !

Mad Science -

engineered by human megalomania

and GREED -

has formulated the PERFECT way

for us to NEED

their services -

and if THEY keep us

sick -

and dependent on THEM

and we'll have to

COME BACK again

and PAY LOTS of MONEY

for THEM to FIX US -

temporarily -

until the consequences

start rolling in !!!

Do you have any idea how much

CRAP

we carry around ????????

John Wayne died with

over 40 pounds and ELVIS was full of it too !

So if you're sick and overweight

that may be what's wrong with you !!!!!

FOR STARTERS -

GET IT OUT !!!!!! ( or keep it in - it's all up to and about you ) !!!

So give yourself a fighting chance

and call your local NATUROPATH -

if you need help

beyond that !!!!!!

But use your head -

research

investigate

or don't you have time ?

Will you when it's

too late ???

Or shut off your VIDEO game

and type in Curezone !!!

And maybe perhaps

think about what you put in your

mouth -

for in the end it

becomes what

YOU  

are/am !!!

AND  " IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU " -

or is that tooo much like WORK ???

And what did I just hear on the

National News  ???

Millions of Women

are being subjected to

UNnecessary PROCEDURES ??????

Imagine that !!!!!!!!!

It was millions of

Hysterectomies in the

60's and 70's -

and THEY almost took my uterus

when I was 23 -

as it turned out I demanded a recount

and it was found out

that birth control pills I was trying to tolerate

( unnsuccessfully THANK Shua !)

gave a false atypical cell pap smear reading !!!!!!!!!!!!

So SURGERY for removal of healthy body parts

was CANCELED

at the last minute !!!!!!

Run away

I say -

unless you need a cast

or a wound stitched closed

or you're hit by a drunken driver or

your abusive significant other

breaks your nose -

beyond the obvious need for

an EMT -

and those prematurely born -

you could EDUCATE

YOURSELF

about your self -

physically

mentally

spiritually

so your BEST LIFE

can happen -

and stay AWAY from those who do not have

your BEST INTEREST at heart -

and see what you can do

with Grapefruitseed Extract

to start with . . .

Domestic Violet ~

On the healing path

still

yet

again 

naturally so -

but first I had to admit I was

broken -

and almost

die -

for the 98th time !!!

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

When fun was . . .

 made -

of my

painful predicaments -

whether it be

protruding new

" BIG Teeth " and the

protruding  everywhere

Fat Me that

followed from

comfort carbohydrate madness

and/or

the CHAOS of

Domestic Violence -

I learned not to

smile -

and to take abuse -

but

I watched you

carefully

and studied you

closely -

as you extracted some

strange sick

pleasure

from

hurting me and others -

" Fuck THAT !!! " - Sarcastica

and I still can't smile

once in a while -

but

now it's not from

excrutiating

self-consciousness -

cuz I'm alright -

instead

it's just what

happens

when I think of all y'all -

so I just don't so much

and let's thank Shua for that -

( the ONE who is having a birthday tomorrow ) -

and 

Feliz Navidad

to everyone

else . . . !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Smilin'  Semper Vi -

Surviving

against all odds

 . . . from the VORTEX

Domestic Violet ~

 

Did you ever have a moment . . .

of pure joy -

when all is well in the world ? -

followed by despair -

followed by mirth unbridled -

untitled

unparalleled

with parameters unknown

even now -

giggling

jiggling

laughter from the gut

at the messy bog of

LIFE -

a place where

" DON'T EVER THINK YOU ARE TOO HAPPY !!! "

is exactly right !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -

not when right around the corner from

your precious joyful moment

something ugly is on it's way -

to wipe the smile from your face

and bring a tear to your eye -

but don't cry -

just pity the fool or

foolishness and

start laughing

instead -

for it really is 

above all things -

the best medicine . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

About girls . . .

I could write for days !

I'm a girl -

my sisters are girls -

and my mother and grama grama's -

as were the aunties and girl cousins

and great-gram's and nieces and neighbors

and friends and my

daughter -

who I must add

is most precious

among them !

About girls I know a lot

and for sure

there's nothing sweeter than

a little girl's

heart -

when still completely naive

to the world and the evil

therein

and most girls get to

know that innocence -

at least for a little while -

but

what the world does to

sweet little girls

can make them wind up

" Meaner than a Snake ! " -

said the daughter of the

ancient aging Asian girl

in my care recently -

on her deathbed again last week -

routinely for 9 nine years -

" . . . and she has always been so . . .

many times I have seen her

dance with death

but

so far

she never goes . . .

she is a tough one -

not giving up easily " !!! - said her eldest child

And that it why she is still alive -

despite dialysis 4 times weekly for nine years -

along with insulin injections daily x3

and terminal heart problems -

surviving

anyway -

and why not when

pitting one caregiver against

the other

is a reason to still get up in the morning !

It's just a bit of the stuff

some girls do -

and some do not -

and there seems to be not much

in between -

having nothing to do with

age or upbringing -

and along with many other

tendencies familiar to me -

I have experienced

that girls

can be at least as abusive

as boys -

with fear at the basement

which knows no gender boundaries -

and I say this to give clarity to anyone

who may believe

erroneously

that I may dislike or even hate

Men -

when nothing could be further from the

truth !!! ( I have given life to 3 sons ! )

( My whole life would have been different

if I had NOT liked Men !!!!! )

I actually love Men and

like some of them too

and have loved more than one of them

and have liked some of them too -

but I will never understand them

and some who have confused MANHOOD with

brutality -

yet I have have never stopped trying to relate -

but alas

I cannot because I am not one -

I'm a girl 

and a girly girl at that -

even with a screwdriver in my hand

or a shovel or a band-saw

but I do not love my jewelry and clothes more than my

wheelbarrow and rake -

and there may be some girls who do -

and I do not love any

object

thing

stuff

more than I love the people in this world -

especially my family -

but I know that some girls do -

and will do what ever they have to do

to get -

to have -

acquiring a false sense of security

with the misuse of their power -

compromising their integrity 

and becoming downright 

nasty -

if need be ! 

" I got a Woman mean as she can be -

sometimes I think she's almost

as mean as me " !!! - Roy Orbison

Some girls have made me

ashamed to be one -

and I'm sure I have embarrassed them too -

back when integrity was not of such

import -

and I had yet to make peace with

me -

but generally speaking girls are

the biggest reason there is life

as some of the boys seem hell bent to

destroy it -

and I don't believe a buncha girls

are responsible for

the privatized Iraq War !

Some girls have graciously

courageously

agreed to go and fight there -

now that the boys have

" allowed "  us

out of the house to -

vote

enlist

drive cars

have careers - etc

and they even finally

( after losing enough of their

Mothers Sisters Daughters to Domestic Violence ! )

have made it a punishable crime to

kill us -

yet they still do -

trying every 4 seconds to

take one of us out -

so threatening are we

to the male psyche -

but what some girls do to

each other

is another matter -

and I could write a bunch about that

from both sides of the issue

but

right now

I must go try to fix my car

( endless automotive stuff ! )

and it's just the price I gladly pay for

freedom from abuse

these days . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So this is . . .

Christmas !

Have we all been

good boys and girls this year ?

Some of us have been

better than others and

some of us have been better

than we were and

either way it is again

" that "  time of year when

for a day

the Magic of the Spirit

visits

and then is

gone

until this time next year -

something we can count on

yet we

neglect

364 other days

which might explain

a world out of balance -

dangling precariously without enough

to go around -

in a  MONEY  shit storm

of our own making -

the POISONOUS stuff -

with the POWER to take down

nations

has finally -

in stinger-in-its-own-back scorpion fashion -

brought America to its

knees

and made us bleed

and did I

read

that one was trampled to death -

in an attempt to

"get" a steal of a deal -

at the door of a store -

where desperation has prompted retailers

to sell everything really "cheap" or

really what it's

really worth !?!?

Meanwhile our country is

out of money -

having shot itself in both feet -

with a deficit budget -

and the pressure is

on

to carry on like nothing's wrong

but I suspect there will be more

$5.00 gifting this year -

wrapped in newspaper and string -

meanwhile

the 12 days of Christmas

go a little differently for me -

born on the last possible day of the year -

with the holiday generally starting

about now and going longer into

the first of next year

and even continuing on

past the next December 21st -

in a home where

a fully decorated tiny Christmas Tree

has stood every day for years -

taken down briefly to be replaced by a bigger one

that was recently given to me -

as any given moment

on any given day

is an opportunity to share -

and hopefully those

in foreclosure and financial terror are

keeping warm and have somewhere to go -

and God save us all from

the monster created

by greed and avarice

and those who

don't care . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Recent chat with a . . .

Man - 

went something like this -

" Hi there So and So -

 this is Violet Vibrantsunsets calling -

and I'm hoping you would please give me the location

of the place you mentioned last time we talked -

where used work-out equipment can be found !

I am looking for an inexpensive weight-lifting bar -

just the bar to start with

and I will add weights later on -

after I get my form  - 

so may I have the address " ??? 

After giving me approximate unclear instructions

he then said -

" You will have to eat more food to do this -

stop your dieting - you're already too lean ! "

( Compared to what ???  He never knew me

when I was the chubette Violet and

he does not know me well enough to get this

personal - I'm thinkin' !!! )

But  " I am not on a diet "

( at least not the kind he's thinking of ) !!!

In fact I subsist on the healthiest food I can find and afford -

chemical-free produce

grains fruits nuts and seeds -

complex carbohydrates

with the least possible amount of additives

pesticides or preservatives -

high fructose corn syrup

gluten or yeast or

sugar or other

CRAP !

And along with herbs -

homeopathy and

extracts and tinctures that

are much more cost effective than any

Health Insurance plan with its endless visits to

alleopathic practitioners

these naturally occuring substances  have

kept me from allergy/asthma for over 7 years

and they were here

eons before

man-made pharmaceuticals !

So I do what is now considered

" alternative " when it was the norm for thousands of years -

to help balance my badly abused body to

heal itself -

like it was designed to do - 

however there is benefit in

assisting muscles tendons ligaments etc -

in staying closely attached to bones -

all of which are post-menopausal  in my case !!!

So I simply say to the Man -

" In an effort to keep strong bones while

maturing -

it is highly recommended to do

weight-bearing exercise and if I add it to the yoga I enjoy

then maybe I won't be

a mess when I am 80 and maybe I can even stop smoking

eventually " !!!! - I tell him positively

enthusiastically

and that " this is about taking responsiblity for my health "

and he came back with a sarcastic " GOOD LUCK  with all that !!!! "   

   " FUCK that " - Sarcastica

" There is a pill you can take if all you want is strong bones

and you won't have to work-out for that " !  -

he stated smugly

superiorly

surely -

as if he were ALL-Knowing regarding

what Women/Menopausal Women should do !!!!!!

( Apparently he was not listening ? )

" Okay - but I want to exercise and about the address . . . " -

but he interrupts and continues with -

" . . . and you will have to work with dumbbells too " !!!

" Yes thank you - I know and I have some right here " - I told him

" What kind " - he wanted to know and I replied -

" They are basic three pound plastic-covered 

         sand-filled dumbbells - and why do you ask " ???

" You will be laughed at if you use them " - he said solemnly

" What ???  ( I thought I heard him wrong )

        and by WHOM ??? " - I inquired incredulously

( Surely he must be joking ! )

" Won't these work just fine ??? " - I asked

       and could hardly wait for the answer !

" Yes - but any self-respecting weight-lifter wouldn't be seen with

plastic-coated sand-filled dumbbells - and they will laugh at you " -

he insisted !

" Wow - will there be a stream of body-builders in my living room -

heckling me as I'm working out ! 

What are you talking about ??

And are you suggesting I spend money on dumbbells that I already have " ???  

( Why would I do that ?????????????

I wanted to know the source of this insanity ??? !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! )

He doesn't answer this and moves on with -

"  . . . you will need to eat more protein - more red meat " !!!

" I understand about protein " - I said 

" but I don't eat much red meat lately

unless it is not full of -

steroids

anti-biotics

growth hormones

and grown in a stall without normal cow grazing going on -

preferably on soil rich in nutrients and not loaded with

chemical fertilizers and pesticides - and I have found other ways of 

combining foods to create complete proteins " !!!!! - I replied

as nicely as possible !

" There you go again with your strange  DIET " - he said again tersely

" Excuse me ? " - I said politely and reiterated that I am

" simply trying to avoid sugar and

foods that have proved to be

not good for me " -

thinking him a bit too PUSHY and

presumptuous in determining what is in my

best interest !!!

And his response was that

" Sugar won't hurt you " !!!

( Does he live under a rock in a cave ??? )

" Oh really - those who suffer from diabetes

and depression and alcoholism and obesity -

hyper-activity and a myriad of other ailments

may disagree with you " - I pointed out 

" Are you diabetic " ??? - he asked and I said

" NO - at least I don't think so today

and I don't wish to be ever " !!! 

I really quickly disliked the level of obvious attempt to

dissuade me from doing what I already know is

right for me -

as he is not my

Father Mother

Husband Boyfriend

Boss or Keeper or

Higher Power

and not much more than a recently new

acquaintance -

and I did not ask for

all this dis-informed opinion -

I called for a location !

*****  ( Prior to this point I should have said -

" Oh look at the time and I have to run -

thanks so much for the approximate location and

perhaps we'll talk some other time ! ) *****

But he forged ahead spewing forth the

contents of his head on the subject -

never asking if I have experience or information already -

saying   " it will not work if you don't do it THIS WAY " !?!?!

" OH " !!!! - I responded and attempted to

fine tune one more time the location of the empty bar  -

directions which he gave with

even more vagueness if possible - and then he

brought up protein again as if I had never heard of it 

before calling him -

adding that -

" . . . adults do not assimilate protein anymore -

after a certain age " ! - he argued confusedly

( Actually that would be more true of calcium ya dumbbell -

I felt like saying - but I bit my tongue !!! )

 Instead I said -

" But I thought you just said I would need to eat MORE protein -

so did I not hear you clearly " ????? - asking for clarity -

a standard protocal necessary when talking with

almost anyone these days !

( Maybe he's on drugs/drunk and/or DELUSIONAL or

all of the above ??? )

So I tried to tolerate his negativity and contrary

contradictory

dictatorial illogic 

by adding some levity and

asked him if he would - " tell me WHO/HOW MANY 

jeering weight-lifters will be showing up

for my living room work-out with the empty bar -

so I could have refreshments ready and seating arranged " ???!!!

( Is he deranged ???? )

" Trust me - they will laugh

at your dumbbells "  - he said again quite seriously -

sounding perturbed that I did not seem to care !!!

" Exactly WHO are THEY  and why will they be in my house and

why do you care so much what I eat or

how I exercise

or WHO MIGHT SEE ME - of all things  -

when I called you for an address

that you can't seem to give me and

all you want to do is fight " ?????

And then he hung up on me  -

thank the Universe -

and all I can conclude is that he thinks I should

spend money I don't have to impress an invisible audience -

or not work-out at all -

but take a chemically engineered pill

to keep my bones from disintegrating -

while eating sick scared miserable meat

with a cinnamon roll in one hand and

a cigarette in the other -

I'm just sayin' . . . !!!!!

And he would probably co-sign it

if I started drinking again -

citing how " it doesn't damage HIS liver "

or something like that !!!!!!!!!!

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It's almost Turkey Day !

A day of giving thanks

and

we celebrate this occasion

by placing societal demands

that every last

Woman

Child

and Man

in the land

gather together

to feast -

eat

drink

and be merry

but remember -

not everyone gets to see

a stuffed Turkey on a platter

or honey-covered yams

or cranberry

sliding out of cans -

and some do not

taste mashed potatoes

nor do they smell

pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving day -

like the ones I am baking

with real never-been-in-a-can

slowly-baked home-grown pumpkin -

four cups still warm -

brought to me this afternoon

by my neighbor -

so be grateful -

if you can -

for all that you

have

and maybe we could pass on

the leftovers

to some less fortunate ones -

if we have the energy

after getting all filled up and

downed - out on

tryptophan -

and it shouldn't be hard to find

grateful recipients

now that millions have lost

homes and jobs !!!!!!!!

And here's a helpful hint from

Domestic Violet -

be sure to eat some corn

or your meat and potatoes

won't

like each other !

It should be a blessed day

with everyone

getting along

but

I've seen some interesting ones -

my favorite was the time

the video camera was

left

on . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

 

The Single Parent . . .

faces

horrendous

difficulties ~

As the child of

a Single Parent -

I am here to say it

" takes a Village "

and much much more -

to Parent children

alone -

especially many children -

and it takes two

Parents

to raise one child -

so do the math ?!?

I want to know

where the other

seven

Parents

were

while I was Single - Parenting

singlehandedly

my own

four !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have been a

Mother

for over 35 years

and have spent most

of my adult life

in some phase of

Single Parenthood -

approximately three-quarters of those years -

with brief stops

in between -

attempting marriage

again -

where more children were born -

and the LAST thing

I wanted to be

when I grew up

was a Single Mother of

four !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

( What I wanted was to live happily ever-after

with the love of my life - but so far it has

proved to not be what is meant to happen

in my lifetime )

Oh Well !

Machs Nix !

No Mas !!!!!!!

So with no other

option -

but by choice -

I rendered myself

a Single Parent

before I was 21

and it's hard

but

not so hard to

Parent

just one

and

by the time

I had no choice

again -

later in life -

when there were

three

and just me -

and many too many

separations

before there were

four

and another

DIVORCE

finally -

one that came too

early

or too late

maybe

but definitely came

between a rock and

a hard place !!!

I TOOK MANY BEATINGS -

MUCH ABUSE -

so that I would

NOT

become

SINGLE MOM  !!!!!!

It is a HUGE reason why

Women stay

with abusive Men !!!!!!!

Who in their

right mind

WANTS

to Parent

multiple children

alone ??????????????????????

On the other hand -

who in their right mind

WANTS

to stay with a Man

who is sure to

disrespect

disregard

and dislocate

your jaw

periodically ???????

When given no other

option

I placed myself in a position

to be -

judged juried and

executed

by those who have not walked

very far

or AT ALL

in my shoes -

and found myself

facing

some of the most

character building

dilemmas

that anyone can face

in their lifetime

like -

lack of support

from responsible parties

and lack of

sleep

money

food

clothing

medical care

dependable transportation

and even shelter

on occasion -

and forget the new toys -

not when babies need

new shoes -

but even worse was

the lack of

understanding

from the world at large -

from those who

said to GO

and

those who said

to STAY -

and I was pulled

completely apart

by the arms and the legs -

by my heart and my brain -

damned -

either way -

but today -

I AM ALIVE

and I

GUARANTEE

this would not

be so -

if I had

stayed . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

Trees . . .

grow from

the side of me -

the front and

behind

me -

from seeds not

planted by me - it was not

me

at the end of

the spear

sliced through my

soul

by

fear

not mine

and though

laid open by the blade

I stayed

to

birth the seed of that left behind the knife swipe

where

there

is

not enough oxygen

suddenly

and darkness

descends

but

fertile ground remains for basement

life basics

left by the tip of

the knife under my

heart rib

as roots shoot -

struggling

for life

and a birch bark sparks and        starts out

     my

third

           chakra  

seeking 

intuitively 

intrinsically

enlightenment       

behind my third eye

while from the other

side -

hard dried ancient oak protectively protrudes

from

gravity center solarly

plexed -

holding down the

ground below 

mountainous

northern extremity where nutty knotty pine sits at tip-top

mixed up with  pinecones of all kinds and with  

maple  and cherry   

and lemon near       the apple

and the pear tree

with partridges in it -

and fir on the way

down

with occasional  cottonwood

raining its breath-taking

highly combustible

seed

all around

and in

reality

covers up the

newly growing

spring green -

blotting out the

sun

possibly with

intention

of weeding out the

strong

who remain

despite

wrong

conditions

with

assistance to and

shaking off the

suffocation -

thriving

against

all odds

with no

air

and no sunlight

there -

rotting

when

smothered

too long -

bang a gong

in the forest

to forecast

what’s going

on

where every leaf

shivers

shimmers -

dances to the

sound –

waving with

wonder

in the breeze

but

stopping to

sneeze

sending seeds

from the Mother all around

the glen and back again  - aaareeba-ra-Choo !

Perdon me y su - !!!!!!!!!!

but

babies were born from Nature’s love of natural

phenomenon -

unstoppable -

by deprivation   degradation   radiation   segregation   pollution

or political invasion 

rejection  insurrection          even natural maturation

isolation

libelous retaliation

or various kinds of humiliation  -

contra - indication  of

anything

real

to be afraid of

so the real deal

is

down in the

ground -

at the root can be

found

a path laid down

by the slice –

seeds of life’s spice

planted randomly

carelessly

recklessly

but

purposefully

transformed -

grown to life-giving

greatness

rather than

ruinous

hatred 

by the shade of

the

blade

where trees grow from my . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

His Ego needs a . . .

blow job -

not just a bit of

attention -

not a hug or even

an affectionate

stroke -

but full-on

servicing

is required for

this bloke !!!

His systemic

insecurity -

coupled with

anxiety regarding

possible latent homosexuality

keeps him proving his

Manhood

to you and me

but really all I see

is fear and

immaturity -

who is he ???

He is Male Chauvinist Pig

piglet

piggy

and he's big and

sometimes scary -

sure that he knows

a Woman's place is

at home or

wherever he deems

she be -

and more than once he

married me -

and on more than one occasion

he broke my nose

and blackened my

eyes -

to interrupt my

observation -

and he split my lips

to silence

my objections -

proclamation of his

self-defined

superior station -

appearing pathetic to me

however -

so I looked away

like ancient Chinese custom -

so he could "save face"

when he battered mine

repeatedly

and broke my skin

back

ribs

legs

and hobbled me to

crutches and cane -

rendered me also

insane

enough to stay the second day

after -

while he told about

himself

when he verbally assaulted my

psyche -

hated all that was

good

about me -

knowing secretly he

lacked

the virtues he

attacked -

the reasons he

"loved " me in the first place

and when he punched me

in the face -

safety was replaced

by fear and

deep despairing -

a cold dark space

inexplicable to those

who live unharmed -

and it's OVER -

right there and then

but it's a long time

until it ends -

and more of my blood

pours forth

as his Chauvinism

controls my

choice -

I've lost my

voice -

my vote null and

void -

with no way to

avoid

the boundary broken

by the bruise -

and if he doesn't

beat you -

the Male Chauvinist will

most certainly treat you

as " lesser than "

any MAN -

like his brothers

father

uncles

cousins

and friends

and some enabling Women-folk

taught him to -

he's probably homophobic too !

Is he evil ? - you ask

Not necessarily -

just not enlightened

yet

but I will bet

he comes back in his

next life

as a

WOMAN !!! . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

I can't hide . . .

my lying eyes -

to borrow a line from

" Lying Eyes  "

made famous by the Eagles -

if you think you hear me saying that

I've never tried

lying

then clean your ears -

I said -

" I can't hide my lying eyes " -

so this is why I don't bother

trying to -

no lie !

I gave it up long ago -

with the things of my youth -

things that no longer work

no longer look good on me -

like skateboarding and

the ambiguities of shoplifting and

promiscuity -

phases we all go through and

some of us transition out of

eventually -

and some of it was

a proving ground -

you know -

just to " see if I could "

and with increasing proficiency too -

but then I let it go -

no longer needing to -

and who in the room thinks I'm trying to

harm you by telling the truth ?

Raise your hand !

Who thinks I attempt to deceive ?

Come on - that's right -  I said what I mean -

get your hand up where I can see it -

ya buncha chickens in human suits !

And you with the first hand in the air -

and your paranoiac projections

with your own demons undealt with -

take your self appointed " Virtue Exclusivity " award

and you can leave !

And you in the corner  - Hush up and sit down

please - stop running round and round

with control freak dripping from your frown -

calm down or

get out !

And you two in the middle

with your symbiotic psychosis of

superiority - folie deux -

I bid you adieu -

and buzz off too !

Yeah that's what I said !!!

And you -

little wanna-be psycho - in training -

stop jumping on the fence !

Get DOWN !

Right now !!!!!!

And don't let me catch you

up there again !

As for the rest of you

with unraised hands -

your vote of confidence

or cowardice -

stands !

And at the risk of

repeating -

the last time I was guilty of

deceiving

I was talking to the constantly critical

control freak Billy the Blockhead

on the phone 7 years ago -

and he asked me if I was

drinking -

( he could hear the ice cubes

tinkling ) -

I told him NO and

went to mix another splash of water

with my glass of whiskey -

and I thought it such a stupid question

and so obviously " not his job "

to monitor me -

that I would not dignify it with

a truthful answer

but that doesn't mean

I was conscience free -

and I saw it as henceforth

unnecessary -

and haven't told an

untruth

since -

not indulging much

prior to that -

and less and less since the Wild Child days -

when it was impressed upon me

during childhood -

penalties were stiff for

" not telling the truth " -

much

to the chagrin of those who

feel " honesty is brutal " -

persons who

don't want the truth to be

known - at the same time

so imagine my

confusion

and I can empathize -

realize

there was a time I had taken cover too -

and tried to buffalo

you -

especially hideous if you're me -

an even worse spectacle to behold if

you were

my Mother - with eyes

that could see right through

my attempt to

mislead -

regarding my whereabouts and

tardiness and actions therein -

and I was graced with

the kind of face where

nothing can hide !

So I changed my mind

somewhere along the long long

line

of a long long time -

with nothing but the truth to tell ya

now -

focusing on proficiency with

those things I do best instead

and

if you want bullshit -

you'll have to talk to

somebody else -

but don't try this at home

until you've been shown the

value in honesty -

when you have developed some intuitive sense of

timing -

with ability for

delayed immediate gratification

and are willing to

practice

the fine art of discretion -

and above all -

are rid of the false fear

that makes you

unable to

speak

the truth -

and Get down off that fence !

I said !

Are you still here in

the room ???

I though I told you to

vamoose !

beat it !

and be gone

soon !!!

And now that you have my

undivided

attention -

perhaps you can answer the question -

" How do we know Domestic Violet

is not trying to hurt us ???? "

And get off the fence please !!!!!

What's that you say ?

You think it is because you're so

special and

charming ????????????

Au contraire !!!!!

Stop -

right there and

know

that while I

give a care

and all -

ya'll -

the answer is that -

you/he/she/they/them/us/we/someone

would be a bloody mess

if I were

trying -

and I clarify this occasionally

for the benefit of those who

believe

otherwise -

and have reprimanded

Domestic Violet

for speaking the truth which is

" ALL about ME  ! " -

ANONYMOUSLY !! !?

Isn't that like asking about ice cubes

while they're tinkling in your ear ?

When in fact -

what the drinker is drinking

has nothing to do with you ? -

and it matters not at all - nada - zip

unless

there is a problem with the

sound ?

I did however

lapse into an extended period of

sobriety

shortly after the ice cube inquisition - which I continue to

enjoy

but I did so because I found it

wise as well as

necessary for my well-being

and not because of any critique from

control freaking

judgmental

Billy the Blockhead types -

and as it is with all control freaks -

even when you give them their way

they are not happy still

yet again -

and if anyone here

knows what I mean -

then please raise your hand !

Ahh - yes I see most of you know !

Anyway - in summary

this is about my

natural expression -

one that only goes " Poker face "

during Poker -

and one that registers every subtly

and inflection -

of emotional direction

and if I were to lie -

my eyes won't let it

hide there -

so I don't have to try

to untangle

the web of attempted deceit -

I am not yet the great fiction

writer -

nor am I a prize

fighter -

although I hit a husband of mine

one time - once

after he beat me up way too much

and his two front teeth

fell out

the next day -

Oh yes you - with your hand up -

you have a question ?

Did I hit him because he hit me ? - you ask

No - it was more about a last straw response

to the level of dishonesty

which poured out his

mouth - constantly -

so much real-time

fantasy

you would think he was

hearing voices and

we know he was

making shit up ! - ( see post: They came . . . )

So I left him

behind -

along with alcohol and violence -

subterfuge and many

negative things -

like selfish mean people in general

and careless and reckless

skateboarding -

so now that we have exhausted

the subject of my

credibility

I have a question -

if someone in the room could

help me out - just raise your hand please

and tell me how to understand and

what to do

when I discover

I have been lied to

by you ?

Yes - you in the

back

with your hand up . . . ?

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

 

 

 

The lights are on . . .

in the Capital dome -

the flag waves in the

breeze -

but is anyone

home ?

As the smokey dust

clears

from the hall of

smoke and mirrors -

I have so much fun -

all by my

self -

I crack me up

and laugh

out loud

while I twirl a

baton

with the radio on

and ponder the World

on C-span -

laughing and

crying

and twirling around

with two batons going

simultaneously -

reviewing each occasion

thoroughly -

freely experiencing

all levels of

emotion

and

energy in motion

and checking myself for

accuracy -

because it's my

job !

Do whatever you want with

yourself

but I like to keep

my nose clean -

reaching for a tissue

now and then -

chasing a tear

that sometimes

falls

from laughing my ass off

at the subtle nuance

in the Pinocchio dance

of the horrible

lovely

beautiful

ugly

madding crowd . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

The average . . .

person . . .

is not

me -

does not have

my story -

nor my life experience -

in fact -

to the average person

none of it makes any

sense -

but then

average people think linearly -

compartmentally -

harshly judgmentally -

impulsively -

non-intuitively and

narrowly

as well -

I can tell by the

rate of speed and

need to "have the answer"

in their responses -

the quick analysis -

fitting  it  into

a pigeonhole

immediately -

becoming

judge

jury and

executioner

before

the non-average person can

even get the completed thought

out on the table !

I say ' non-average '

because I see myself as neither

(A) above

nor 

(B) below

(C) either/and/or (A) and (B)  -

average people see only (C) -

but rather I am

just

NOT

average -

atypical instead

and I'm sure with a little

research into

Domestic Violet and The FLOWER Girls -

you may agree - perhaps

but if you really like to

juggle boomerangs

you may then say -

" Hey Domestic Violet -

aren't you a little judgy

         sometimes - and maybe

you don't see yourself all that clearly too " ???

" Yes - perhaps " - and/but this is precisely the

type of comeback one might expect from

the average person -

and what makes me non- average is that

I admit my humanity

ultimately -

sometimes quickly

sometimes slowly

but always finally and

Thank

Buddha

Isis

Shua and everybody

that I am not alone -

in the average world of average

folk's -

most of whom will NEVER

admit when they are wrong

and

who may be recognized by their

pursuits -

most chasing the Money

like most Men chase skirts -

most saying the right words

at the right time

to gain their favored

outcome

and to not rock

" the boat " -

allergic to truth -

and is it any wonder

that we non - averages

don't get along well with

average folks ?????

There are two average types -

one who would not say what the real deal is

if you gave them truth serum -

oblivious to truth's

beauty -

necessity -

and economy -

and the other kind goes around

turning the boat

upside - down

all the time -

everywhere -

just for fun

it would seem

but the truth is

they're mean

and average to boot !

( a kick in the ribs by a steel-toed pointy one

is illustrated nicely in some previous posts )

So

what non-average people do

ultimately -

is to view the majority -

average you - ( is that you ? )

with tolerance

pity

and patience -

realizing that the average person is -

like ourselves -

imperfect too ! -

But first we are

taken

aback -

stunned into

" shut up " by

your average-ness

and lack of awareness

and rationale for your

auto-pilot thought life rapid fire filing system -

where your court is never

adjourned

along with your pursuit of

steel-toed points ( count 'em ! )

and comfort zone

toys -

surrounded by your average

" yes " Men and Women -

protected by your

typical  " good old boys "

and ALL of you are not

too inclined to

pause -

lacking introspection -

but quickly interjecting

without sufficient data collected -

assuming you know what is going on -

without asking any questions -

and  " suspension of judgment " -

as in having no opinion - neutrality -

is just some foreign language to you -

which means you are unwilling to

grow toward a place of

ACCEPTANCE

of the

IS/IS = what is, is -

OR

if you perhaps have a small clue

then your next move will be to

point out that your truth may not be the same

as my view -

which goes without saying

when you're atypical too !

Beyond all this I'm as

average as the day is long -

average features

weight and height -

average size shoe -

average age

environmentally pressed

into the middle of

life

with a non- average

perspective

of all of it

but

" Who cares ? "

the average person inquires -

YOU DO and that's why you're

reading me -

to expand your horizons -

right ??? -

and if you are here for anything else -

shame on you -

be gone !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -

and then slap yourself silly if you

came to

criticize . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX