fucked up shit I have seen
as a giver of care to the dying
disabled and/or elderly
will make you cry -
if you have a
heart
and laugh if you have a
family !
The dynamics of some are what makes
the word " dysfunctional "
seem clinical
compared to what really goes on
and some of it is
hysterical
as in breath-sucking OMG ! -
and some of it is hysterical as in
comedy
par excellence
and I understand now what my Father meant
when he described falling out of his wheelchair
while in a nursing home briefly
as he was dying of a brain tumor at fifty-seven years young
in 1991 and
" I could write a book about this ordeal !!! " - he told me
of the whole brain cancer experience
while I could only imagine from a long distance
and his illustration and humor were present
in every conversation
to the last -
and some of caring for our dying -at- home wizened ones
and others with disabilities
involves flowing
with their family lives
like an ebb tide -
so much easier not to get
sucked in
when you never stay with a patient
too long
but
best to create a good rapport
which requires some
longevity -
enough time to help find the
levity
for stressed out family members
who have been caring for the loved ONE
too many months and years
or not at all and can't get through a 12 hour shift without
crying like a baby -
and I learned to ignore those who are
over 50 and still have sibling rivalry
going on LOL -
as well as the random visits from those " too busy " who
show up at 9 a.m. for ten minutes with a
beer in their hand - sheesh
and then I " talk down "
the one with a magic magnifying mind who is sure
that the POA has something shady going on -
a competitive brother who has been trying to
BEST
his sister
since they were young
and it's amazing to see that both pushin' 60
it's still going on ! ( ick - all too familiar )
On the other hand
I have witnessed the heart-wrenching
absence of family -
the void of no one left who cared enough
and that is why I am there
and others like me
24/7
and seldom does anyone
call or knock
in some families
who leave their elders to
rot -
claiming " not enough spare time "
or some slop
while " don't they know I lonely ? "
an aging Asian told me
and I tried to make her feel that there was purpose for her still
and she taught me to cook Japanese food when I was around
and she needed attention so badly
she stripped all the bandages from her dialysis port
and began bleeding out !!!!!!! ( Jesus ! )
Not one family member came when I called
and fortunately I got the bleeding to stop
but
it could have been her last hour
and not one of her LOVED ones came around !!!!!!!!!!!
WOW !
The selfishness of people is astounding !!!!!!!!
OR
apparently this is what THEY would like to
receive ? ?? ?
They're the kind that like to try treating me
like a back door servant
when I care more about the patient
than they do
sometimes
and they will even expect me to be their
waitress ( good luck ! )
to assuage the guilt they experience
at what my presence
represents
and ooo la la then there's what it
COSTS
and nothing makes people uglier than MONEY
anyway
but especially so
when it means their potential
INHERITANCE
is paying for care giving
that they really want no part of -
and yes most folks are
crass enough to display
money-hungry greed
and some view the elderly as useless
worthless
obsolete
and then my patient wakes up pissed off
to be alive still -
refusing to take the morning mess of pills
and trying to walk without the walker
when I'm not looking
and playing with the buttons on the remote
so later the care givers get blamed for
" SOMEBODY " pushing the wrong buttons on the T.V.
and there's a " somebody " in every family situation
I've ever known - ( in my family it was always me )
with care givers automatically catching shit
for everything that goes wrong
because you surely can't blame the one on oxygen
and/or in the wheelchair right ?
The family members are so inside out with guilt
and self-interest that they -
of course and especially if they are in charge
and/or signing paychecks -
NEVER do anything wrong
and they're usually too busy fighting with each other -
sometimes in front of their dying elder -
to even know what the hell is going on -
but
I know and they know I do and
they hate that I can see
and will either attempt to bribe and silence me ( good luck again ! )
or call for a fresh pair of eyes to run their song and dance on
so their LOVED ONE can adapt and adjust to
YET ANOTHER CARE GIVER this day or this week
for the 98th time -
and were it not for all this shit
I might look forward to
my golden years . . .
Domestic Violet
Semper Vi ~
Survivor . . . from the VORTEX