Domestic Violet

Petunia and Violet the Vamper . . .

 . . . Petunia pays a pricey price

for her personality

when she's been planted here and

planted there

perhaps with sun and love

or not !!!

She gets mixed up with the

Pansy

a lot

Petunia hybrida types include

( P.h. grandiflora ) whose large single or

double flowers may be bordered

streaked or fringed

and the ( P.h. multiflora )

is a quite prolific bloomer

surrounded by a passel of children

usually

producing

a kaleidescope of color family varieties

if you give her full sun

and she'll give you constant flowers if

you prune her consistently

but not so much when it's

hot

when she needs plenty of water

and TLC

The proud Petunia in our FLOWER Girls

group

is a hoot as in tee-hee -

a funny friendly one who

once rescued me from

a brute

and I appreciate most

her lovely voice

her humor and her candor !!!

She calls a selfish man's sex in the night

ANTI - MICLACTIC

and calls me Violet the VAMPER

cuz she thinks like most others might

that I walk like I do

needing attention undue or spotlight

( projecting herself onto my character )

when

in fact my ass is cracked

clean through

from the waist to the

now unstable ball at the end -

where most vertebrae are fused

in most folks -

shrapnel ensues

from attempting to ride the train

with the boys

in my young Wild Violet days -

and while trying to get off a train quickly gathering speed

I didn't know what to do so

I jumped and richoceted off my feet

up against a garage

across the street

on my seat ~

I was 13 or 14 or somewhere near there

with no brain in my young Wild Violet head

but I was determined to follow the lead

of the skeptical seemingly superior snearing

male gender a.k.a. the neighborhood boys

and do whatever they did and well -

enjoying successful endeavor in their company

most days

proving girls could do whatever they want

and have babies too !

So there !

So an accident happened instead

that sent me rolling home (literally) to my bed

where I stayed under cover for the

rest of the summer and did not breath a word

to my curious Mother until I was so old

not a thing she could do !

An after-the-fact blindsider - the kind

no Mother wants to hear !!!!

To this day I have one hip up higher

and forward

and the same leg is shorter by an inch

so it looks like I'm shakin my booty

to Petunia and Glory

and others admit

when in fact I have no butt to speak of -

why on earth would I be vamping it   ?!!!????

( Petunia and others who are amply blessed

have offered to share some over the years !

Yes - that's just what I need - a butt transplant

borrowed from you ! )

I am far away now

from

the pain that it gave me

for many too many

so many many years

but it forever reminds me

with one pant leg longer

Do not FOLLOW an IDIOT -

off the end of a cliff

or anywhere else for that matter

and when you get hurt

tell your Mother or someone

even though you may be 'grounded' for life

and especially TELL SOMEONE if you get hurt

by a man -

the truth might save your life

ultimately

so it is all I have for you

now -

we're as sick as we are secretive

and if you don't believe it

remember that what is kept in darkness

always comes into light ~

I paid a price for my silence

with a pain in my ass

24/7

most days of my life

and learned to walk with a broken pelvis

that got no medical attention

because I was prone to laying around in bed anyway

like teenagers will and I slept as much as possible right about then

so I went undetected

and I  " learned to push pain away

in an unhealthy manner "

according to a Doctor who looked at the X-ray

many years later and said . . . it could be tricky

giving birth to your babies

and this is a very old injury -

just what the hell happened to you ???

By then I had healed all wrong and with an

S - pattern  clear up to my neck and

became unable to respond appropriately

to the never-not-gone

pain

when a sane person would have

never got on

the train . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Okay so . . .

. . . I'm 19 months pregnant

due any month now - carrying quadruplets

(3 girls and a boy just to even things out in the family)

Oh and I'll be leaving with the circus in the morning

going to tour the BIGTOP circuit around the country with a

high-wire partner who hopes to take me higher

and higher on the wire without a net

inducing labor by the second or third show

you know so we can get on with . . .

seeing the world

inside the tent

with the lion tamer

fat lady and the fire-eating guys

who we party with after hours

inviting the sideshow freaks to join us cuz

they make all the money

and even the elephants get a

shot

well really a bucket full of whiskey

and you haven’t lived ‘til you’ve seen

a tipsy elephant trying to look mean

cross-eyed

trunk out of control

right before he wobbles and falls

into his den

where his woman has been waiting for him

all night long

all pissed off

and then it’s

ON......!

April fools!!!! (now THIS is Fiction!)

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

The Asparagus...

 

^{. . . manipulation – she waited}

^{until I got all the way down stairs}

^{to softly say}

^{my name}

^{to urge me once again}

^{after I had declined the offered lovely veggies}

^{saying I would cook them tomorrow if}

^{they were still here}

^{and she cannot take NO for an answer}

^{it appears}

^{cajoling me}

^{back up the stairs with}

^{questions as to why I do not want the asparagus NOW}

^{with my couscous and egg sandwiches}

^{“ I do not want to cook them now “}

^{I replied and turned back down the stairs}

^but

^{she insisted I could microwave}

^{the delightful green stalks}

^{in lieu of my tried and true steam basket}

^{“Umm I would not like to use microwaves any more than I do presently” I kindly stated}

^{but this is not enough and now she has my curiousity}

^{so I  wrap asparagi(?) per instructions with wet paper toweling}

^{80 seconds}

^exactly

^{feeling sad to be adulterating such fine greens in this way}

^{and sick inside like i always do when}

^{I am doing that which I do NOT really want to do}

^{feigning gratitude for      her gift}

^{I escape to my quarters}

^{leaving the lovely couple}

^{my roommate and little princess control freak g.f.}

^{with a knot in my gut}

^{of the worst kind}

^{half outta my mind}

^{feeling sick and violated}

^{as only one who has had penile entry without}

^permission

^{multiple times}

^can

^{and too many broken bones and bloody lips}

^{from those who have no heart or}

^boundaries

^{and I ponder the many moments when I}

^{was not heard}

^{my will}

^over-ruled

^{and what this has done and continues to}

^{show me}

^{and I pray I see the day when}

^{I stand my ground with polite “NO thank you”}

^{and do not have to battle anyone’s attempt to}

^{impose their wishes}

^{upon me -}

^{one who still}

^{experiences this as}

^rape

^{all over again…}

^{Domestic Violet}

^{Semper Vi ~}

^{Survivor . . . from the VORTEX}

 

You, yew, u...

. . . your internal dialogue

from the bookshelves

called mind

have referenced past

with no room for

divine...

from Ego-central

bookish patrol

your data

revolves

resolves to

never let go

and not a new word

gets in

while the Power

waits

within

and may feed you

one page

at a

time...

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX
past
projecting sameness
forward
leaving no room for
divine...
From ego-central
bookish patrol
your data revolves
resolves to
never let go
and not a new word
gets in...
while The Power
waits
within...
and may feed you
one page
at a
time... have referenced
past
projecting sameness
forward
leaving no room for
divine...
From ego-central
bookish patrol
your data revolves
resolves to
never let go
and not a new word
gets in...
while The Power
waits
within...
and may feed you
one page
at a
time...

There is never a good day . . .

 

to lose someone

you love

never a righteous time

to let go

not a better week than another to

have to show up at

 a hospital or

funeral home

to look around

and see everything and everyone

gone

is a horror I wish on

no one

but

as current world events

are madness melting down

I am glad I reached out recently

to people from my past

reconnected to those I love so much

favorite folks

some not seen in 40 years

and at the rate things

deteriorate

may never see again 

 

in this plane of existence

so

I’ll leave you with this …

there is a HIGHER Power

an Ultimate Authority

wrapping love and light around us

and when we all get back HOME

there’s gonna be a

PARTY!!!

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

Just as the vicious wind ...

 

. . . had done me in

and I was going in                                  

dragonfly                                                   

buzzed my ear                                           

mini-copter whizzed whirred             

finding refuge                                            

on the underside of a                               

delicate tongue                                          

ruffled white and purple stripe               

hairy golden throat                                    

proud and tall                                              

petals newly sprung                              

 “It’s alright”   I told him                         

bent down to look                                   

expecting filigree wings to                

take flight                                                    

but he hung on for dear life                 

against the wild wind

trying to blend in

gave me a long look with a

large eye

stayed still and

so did I

hanging over sideways nearby

to study him upside-down

“Hi there”       I quietly said

to the little guy

five inches long from

head to tip of his exquisite patterned tail

at least three inches spanned his four

quivering yellow-veined wings

dark long legs wrapped around

the yellow-green iris neck                        

color of his body                                    

“Oh to be so free”…                                    

I thought out loud                                       

… “to flit from flower to flower                   

at any hour”…                                                  

he just looked at me                                      

as I slowly stood straight up                         

walking quietly away

leaving him to do

whatever dragonflies do                             

and went inside                                           

searching materials of the                       

scribe                                                                  

three hours later the wind still blew          

he was still there hanging on                 

still there at dawn                                

by mid-morning calm

he was gone … 

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX            

 

 

A proper mulch . . .

 

protected

east-side perennials

all winter long

while she was gone

possibly to die

but she rallied

like the iris in springtime

and the mice adjourned

after playing as they do

while the cat’s away too long …

not a corner unswept

not a cobweb ignored

no cabinet or drawer

unattended

as nearly nine decades were

unearthed streamlined squared-away

made ready for her return …

surely her faith

brought her home

where she was the last to know her decline

where precious was buried beneath newer and more

and we’ll never know what fourteen bathing suits were for

but I got to know her

before I saw her face

day after day revealed her personality

discoveries degrees destinations

theology along with teaching

memorabilia from St. Thomas

a 50’s model hairnet

individual stockings in a box

from a now obsolete hosiery store

delicate tatting overlaid the Roaring Twenties baby gown

bags and totes and hats in boxes

books all around …

non–essentials sorted marked and labeled

possessions packed or pitched with intuitive golden rule

but there were laughter and tears

when a package appeared

falling from too many sweaters piled high

tissue paper wrap nearly crumbled

ancient and dried

folded over a red wool jacket and bonnet with a slash in the wide brim

three year-old size with patch pockets

large white buttons double-breasted

white fur cuffs and collar trim

with a faded note pinned to the lining inside

written in her mother’s hand -

           This was Flora’s – she took the shears, cut the bonnet

           and she got spanked for it …………

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

 

 

 

After . . .

 

… all of my life

ago

unforgettable

forty-one years

to be exact

I walked into the garage

at my new friend K-cat’s house

when we were sweet 16 -

Suzy-Q

K-Kat and me -

and there hunkered down next to a Sporty

Harley-Davidson

was the most beautiful back

I had ever seen

dark wavy hair

had me intrigued

then he stood up turned around

wrench in hand

stopped dead in his tracks

staring at me with the most gorgeous Paul Newman eyes

most handsome face

I have ever seen

then or since -

K’s older brother -

his friend called Stud with his Harley too

and I sucked my breath

as his Mother and K-Kat, Suzy-Q and Studley-doo

all standing around

went silent

when the chemistry

ELECTRICITY

palpable

powerful

unbelievable energy

the stuff “Love at First Sight” is made of

filled up the room

and they all felt it

too

as it locked us

and bound us

irrefutably

for all my life

so that even when I faded from him

later after

nights in the blankets in his basement room

his T.V. louder than our passion

we hoped

later when he drove down my street once

finally

well after

he appeared out of nowhere at the

small town country dances Suzy-Q and K-Kat and I

frequented on occasion

often enough to give me hope

only to dash it by never calling my phone

but why would he when I was never at home

showing up constantly to

“stay the night” with K-Kat

which really meant another rendevouz with him

in the basement

where our mostly silent somewhat secret

lusty love affair flaired

and his parents must have known

but they seemed to have adopted me

and even after

nights in motel rooms

when the bars closed down

I must say not a day has passed that I have not thought of him

longing

pining

hopelessly dejected

after

I gave up and married another when I was 18

which did not last

not when I was still in love with

him

and then I eventually married again

after

moving three states away

which did not last long

again

and then again and again nothing has worked out

with any man

right up to now

so just a few days ago I found out

his wife of 35 years has passed away

and I don’t know why I know but

technology makes it so -

don’t know what to do

or say

after

all is said and done

something happened that day

forever ago when I was

young

that has never been

undone

and has never

to this day

gone away …….

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

It's time for...

 

... fiction!

After working out the kinks

for years

in reality

in real time perspective of past present

future possibilities

lead me

here

where I want to get down and dirty

finally

talk dirty and

make you pay

once I get you

all fired up

hot and

sweating

hanging on my next ahhh

ooh and oh

it feels so

good

just thinking about the

liberation

stripped naked and breathing

hard

how am I doing so far?

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

Yesterday . . .

my parents got married

58 years ago

and I got married one last time

15 years ago

on the same date

but

only because he would not listen when I said

“NO - NOT TODAY please” – I begged  … "some other day    

tomorrow perhaps

since you are in such a hurry

and what for"???

He woke me out of perfectly good sleep that morning in ‘96

said “Get up get dressed we are

going to the courthouse for a marriage license...”

and without coffee and with barely brushed teeth

he rushed me that day of all days

like every day really

good Marine that he was

and wearing cut-offs and tee-shirt and baseball cap

I was in a cold grey courthouse

before I was even awake

where upon discovering the 3 ways to marry in this State

he chose the easiest, not softest way

which involves two signatures and then

waiting for the document to reach their desk

through the US mail – all it takes to be legally bound

for him the second time in almost 25 years and

for me too soon again again again

and back home at home he laid papers on the kitchen counter signed his name

handed me the pen – told me to go put it in the mailbox

and went back to sleep . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

31 years later . . .

 

. . . yesterday was

one anniversary

I forgot

completely spaced it out

until

a video caught my eye today

of Mt. St. Helen’s

blowing up

and I recalled that May 18, 1980 day clearly

after getting married the day before

with lots of friends and family present

and lots of booze and gifts and acoustic guitar music

and the ever-present marijuana which

he of course had to light up right outside the church

but no honeymoon cuz

he was too cheap and

no wedding ring

cuz he was too cheap so

I accommodated his tight-wad streak by agreeing to

take my own ring off my right hand

so Mr. Miserly could slip it on my left hand for the ceremony

while he promised to buy one for me later but

that never happened

and I should have known

when the west coast mountain exploded

leaving ash on the streets and cars

way the hell over here on the east side of the Rockies

that our marriage was going to be as tumultuous

and it was and was

OVER

in less than 7 years but not before

three (3) little boys were born in less than 40 months

and I was by then

tired and worn

and did not realize the enormity of the fact that

he was just NOT THAT INTO

ME . . .

but I was reminded today!

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

A Spiritual Experience . . .

 

said the 20 years sober speaker

sober via Alcoholics Anonymous

like millions of others and

. . . ”a spiritual experience is anything that happens

in your life         both good and bad

that renders you never the same again

 coming out the other side

changes you forever”. . .

as he mentions his first encounter with alcohol

as being a “love at first sight” kind of episode

with no going back and illustrates the inability

to leave it alone or learn from falling and failing at

every attempt to do NORMAL life

drink in hand

and I reminisce about the many things which

left me forever altered

like Domestic Violence in my home

from      the moment I was born

and Rape(s) at a later date

and the repetition of violence and abuse

with alcohol involved of course

but even more startling were the occasions of mayhem when

alcohol was gone

but this is not to say there were not glorious occurrences of

Beauty and Light of the typically SPIRITUAL type

it is just that I  have never heard Spiritual Experience

expressed in this way

and it opened my eyes

further expanded my mind

to include the rather sordid and painful life-changing episodes

as being no less

divine

and I am grateful this night for the full hour

to hear his story in its entirety

though I’ve known him for all of his sober years

there is still so much we can never know about

another human being

unless we take the time

to listen

to the struggle

the near-death calamity

and the overcoming of the difficulty

find the gift in it

and pass it on . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

Babies are . . .

 

. . . a state of

emergency

urgency

hangs in every breath

harried mothers forgetting to exhale

dizzy from kept carbon dioxide

adrenaline rushes every moment

hurried anxious attentions

divided

whether babe squalls or sleeps

especially when the bundle creeps

rolls

finds their

knees and finally

feet

emerging helpless to

hapless

shark-eyed toddler

here there

everywhere

over playpen side

not to be

confined

followed by the first attempt at

rebellion’s self-will

a definite “NO” decided

issued with confidence by

a kamikaze two foot- tall tyrant

practiced by then in

ruling the domain

primarily carried by frazzled

parental units who

attempt multi-tasking

how to get the poo

off the writhing serpentine baby

and not

ON

themselves or anything else

but

of course once cleaned and clothed anew

little Farquar lets loose

a chin full of

goo

and you must have this blessed experience

I know you

want to . . .

don’t you?

(Only a crazy person does this more than once!)

Domestic Violet - Mom Vi x 4

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

Grama . . .

 . . . "moob ober"  little girl Violet cried

"Grama I'n scared so moob

ober"!!!

and I crawled into her bed

up against the safety of her back and

warm blankets

while Grampa snored from the other twin bed

back when it was customary it seemed

after too many years of domestic bliss

for couples to sleep apart

to get some rest

and whether or not my mother was

somewhere

or somewhere in the house

I was comforted by my Grama at that time

and wanted to be wherever she went

accompanying  her in the kitchen

while she was making breakfast lunch dinner

and I was with her in the shower when she

cleaned off the sweat from her day

and put on a clean dress to greet my Grampa at the door with a kiss

as he came in from the job he hated but went to each day

anyway

I was there in the backyard to watch her

grab a chicken

and give it a swing and then

lop off its head

in the simplicity of the 50's and the

country life

where a windmill and barn

horses and cows

were out in the field

right behind the house

when the land was not so

adulterated yet

but

out the front door sometimes was my mad Dad

and my Mother crying

so it was best

to live in the company of Grandparents

who could provide a semblence of

normalcy or

something close

as domestic unrest whirled around us like a plague of locusts

the kind that wakes up little children from sleeping 

with terrors and screaming

and I still cannot imagine what might have happened

without my Grama's warm back

in the night

when I was small

but I know what came later when she was gone

made me want to crawl back into her bed

many times

moob ober . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

 

A violent act of nature . . .

 

. . . someone wrote

about the recent earthquake in Japan and

subsequent Tsunami devastation

but VIOLENT compared to

what    ???

More violent than

the continual

raping

of our Mother

Earth    ???

She is only fighting BACK !!!

When SHE has had enough

she sometimes

throws some of us

OFF !!!

It doesn’t seem that she prefers one country or

province or political group or race over another   

NO

she just gets       PISSED

and then Look OUT !!!

Wouldn’t you too ?

And WE feel so victimized by this

as if we are somehow innocent

somehow not culpable

when even a five year-old knows that

NO ONE HAS ANY RESPECT FOR

ANYONE/ANYTHING THEY CAN PUSH AROUND !!!

Mother EARTH takes a lot of push and shove

from the 7 BILLION stupid humans SHE SUPPORTS

and eventually feels the need to

exert

her power

without prior notice and

giving no excuse or apology

but if she is perhaps

remorseful

maybe it is because WE ARE SO OBTUSE

and no matter how many times she warns us

like all Mothers know when dealing with

shark-eyed toddlers

she will have to

repeat

herself . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

 

The Snap Dragon . . .

. . . crossed my path

the other day

“So how are you?”

she inquired

“Oh you know just wreaking havoc

wherever I go”   I replied and smiled sardonically

but she thought she heard me say

something about Tequila Gold          ???

and we laughed ‘til we cried when I corrected her

as neither of us have partaken of

the dreaded TE- KILL-YA

in a number of years

and soon we reminisced about

back in the day a guy she knew

would snort the salt

squeeze the lemon in his eye and

knock back the tequila shot

in that order

every time

so she went on to say

that her worst hangover

took three days while she

hitch-hiked through the Mojave

finding seashells along the way

citing how the desert was once

under an ocean of salt water

and we giggled some more when she told of

recent years

searching commercial zones for a potential business location

asking in prayer to be shown

which address

and took the NEW Man in her life

for a drive

past a building

that was GONE suddenly

as in vanished

but had been there the day before  !!!???

So she wondered what her HIGHER POWER

meant by this

crossed that one off her list

and new guy too shortly after

due to faulty wiring in

her MAN-Picker again

when after a Christmas courtship

and New Year’s Day wedding

6 weeks later separated toward divorce

and some other FLOWER Girls and I

would surely throw ourselves in front of

her car

if she mentions matrimony any time soon

but true to her name she stands strong

thru wind and rain

spunky

colorful

head full of knowledge in the use of

FLOWER Essence and alternative healing

a chat with The SNAP  will leave you

entertained

enlightened and reeling with

feeling

like when she saved my life some years ago

when I fell ill

by asking just the right

questions

and healing began with some compassion and

natural substances

and she’s a Survivor for sure

. . . from the VORTEX

like Domestic Violet and the FLOWER Girls

Semper Vi ~

A blue-eyed crow . . .

 

. . . Caw Caw-ed

circled

settled

on the roof above his bedroom

where he lay

under the blanket

Mexican supernatural weave

left in the car by his best friend

during happier times

now reduced to yet another appointment with

yet another Doctor of yet another kind

so we

attempted delivery that day

to its blue-eyed

cantankerous owner who

we were informed

had passed away

ice still in his cocktail in front of the Super Bowl

that January Sunday 2000 when

I went to the door

while my husband waited

in the car with his Cancer

too sick to carry himself too far

too ill and broken to visit

then

a police officer answered the bell instead

and I swooned briefly

with news that was sure to help him

further

decline

and after getting him home

back to his bed

I unrolled the blanket

belonging to his nemisis who he loved dearly

covered him with it

silently we shared the unbelievable sadness that brought

the blanket back home with us

and I studied the beautiful design

with a crow in the middle of it

left him to his grief

and went outside with my own

when I heard the bird

watched it perch

where it stayed all day long

and into the night

looking back at me with the bluest eyes I have

ever seen

and it wasn’t a

dream …… 

( February 17, 2001 my husband passed away to peace )

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

 

Men seeking Women . . .

 . . . on what's his name's LIST -

Clive or Clint or Reg or Claude

or Greg or something like that -

you all know him and his many categories

and it's cheap entertainment

if you're not looking for  

anything but laughs 

but

cohesive phrasing and

a semblence of spelling might be some criterion if

someone were seriously seeking  -

do you need a vaction friend ? . . .

jumps out at my etymology as I scroll by

and Curious of love . . . catches me

momentarily

reminiscing when I used to be but

curiousity OF__ killed the cat

so to speak and on to the next

Hey you!  . . . ah yeah and hey to you too  

moving down the

list

as College Pimp  starts the first chuckling

under my breath

right before GOOD LOOKING GUY LOOKING FOR GOOD LOOKING GIRL . . .

unhuh of course you are when you're only 22

followed by . . . 100% REAL and looking for You . . . oh yeah and me too

and then next one asked . . . Do You Watch ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT? . . .

giggle

and I guess this is the new 33

(and oh to be thirty something again) ?!?!   Uh No!

And then IM BOUT TO EFF YOU UP WITH SOME TRUTH . . .

takes me right over the edge

ROTFLMAO !!!!!!!!!!!

I don't have to watch any TV

searching for my favorite sit-com re-runs

when reading whats-his-name's list 

for fun !!!!

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Where does everybody...

... go?

 

I walk through the room

as if I were there

yet again still

and find my seat

safe against the wind

same songs stream from the jukebox

from another time

as my reflection mirrors the mirror

of            faces down the line

pool balls clunk and click

cues in hands wrapped around beers

between shots

light playing tricks on the shadows

neon windows rattle as

patrons and players roll in

the usual suspects mostly

crowding up the place

with smoke and good cheer

thank God Friday or 5 o’clock is

here

where I never knew I would depart

not imagining the ghosts of most

alive and well then

would roam the room later

as if I never left

only to discover over half of us

perished since

but

not me       yet

and when I do

I will roam the room too

where there was love

for a little while

safety in a

smile

where familiarity bred

contempt

and countered it

again

all forgiven by the next

weekend

and perhaps you will recall

we traded stories and cigarettes

drinks and drama details

danced ‘til we dropped

and got up again

never dreaming it would

end …. .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

When we were . . .

 

. . . small

before we knew the eventual nature of any

mutual disdain

back when it was simply whether one had the other’s toy

or who got the square “girl” side of the sandwich

cut in half

or who got the round side

we called “boy”

when it was just we two

and the others had not arrived

yet

my little sister and I played a game

as we walked the floor of each room

as if we were on the ceiling

stepping over the imaginary wall at doorways

pretending the rooms were

upside down

and sometimes I forget

that many years have passed since we have talked

when I think of us

hopping over the invisible line

and I laugh

remembering when we were

friends . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

 

Old girls . . .

. . . are

like hand grenades

pins

safely tucked in -

girls who trusted most

judge least

at the last

rocky road rashed

      projection spelled out

if you think I am a liar

what twisted tale

has left

your lips        ?

not yet bled enough

still plump

creaseless

careless reckless

feckless

youth

when you are an old girl

there is no fear

in candid utterance

yet much can be said for

silence discretion

deference

wisdom to know the

difference

which you

in your haste

will waste

until

it is clear

in the middle of your mindless

chatter

what you hold dear cannot be

held in your hands

but is found in the

heart

of all matters . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

 

 

 

I am . . .

. . . the scapegoat

for all my family

( just a bit of research into the mechanics of

the alcoholic family will verify this )

members of a seriously dysfunctional

tree

where branches of ignorance appear

in Vogue

driving Lincolns and expensive

SUV’s

with upscale addresses

which

insulate the tree from all its

problems

like rotting judgement

and moldy hatred

and the pests domestic violence and

alcoholism

and it’s oh so easy when

there’s one

who was/is    the place where all eyes turn to take

heat off themselves

to make good

their fantasy world

to say the “trouble”

was/is            not

them

and rejection

began 

when I was young

shunning ensued

and still goes on

among none who have room

to say a word

but

mentioning              out loud

what the reality of the tree might be

is what got me shunned

in the first place

long ago

running

from

the insanity

only to “RISE TO”

the assigned role

as a result

silly

sick me

coming from the diseased tree

but

expected to be

PERFECT or some shit

like they still think they are

and will continue to

as long as they can look

at me

and find something wrong

so they avert their eyes

and poo-poo

my recovery from

alcoholism and domestic violence

all behind my broken back and behind the scenes

but what they don’t know

is that I have abdicated position

long ago

and CLEARLY SEE

all they think is hidden

and what I have for them ALL is

the utmost

pity . . .

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX

He said . . .

. . . “later in life

you will understand this”

right after he

blackened my eye and

left me with 2 broken ribs

but not before punching a hole in my face

the size of a nickel

blowing open the inside of my cheek

where railroad track scarring

runs from in front of my ear

to the tip of my chin and

 

air came out of the hole when I tried to talk

healing over slowly to the size of a softball

and exploding with infection

repeatedly

finally becoming the size of a golf ball after nine months

and I  “will understand later”  were some of the most

insane words ever spoken to me

but

ten years later

after part of the tooth behind the punch broke off some years ago

and the golf ball shrank to pea-size eventually

and now is barely noticeable

unless I try to smile with the now paralyzed smiler muscle

tied in a knot

in very cold weather

like recently

and ‘tis the season when I

think about him

grateful I am

and I do “understand”

that it took what it took

to change my

life

every nasty verbal beating and

every punch in the eye

and drinking to excess without really knowing

why

and now it’s almost 9 years since my last drink

and ten years since the LAST MAN

who will ever beat the shit out of me

and yes I understand what a huge favor he did

when he threw me to the floor and planted a steel-tipped pointy toed

cowboy boot into my side

making sure I could not breath for over 2 months

yet some of his other words I carry also

“You are destined for greatness” he said of me

while “I am destined for mediocrity” he stated about himself

so

his jealousy was vented all over

me

and I was still there for

the second hit

but he cured me

and I got word from mutual acquaintances that

he is still right where I left him

stuck

and sick

and I am great and grateful

and FREE …

Domestic Violet

Semper Vi ~

Survivor . . . from the VORTEX